Call Of The Wild

Illustration for article titled Call Of The Wild

A New Zealand man who claimed he was raped by a wombat and left speaking with an Australian accent has been found guilty of wasting police time. Ha! But wait! There is a real animal-on-human attempted rape case! Women in the Indian village of Cherukulapadu claim that a 3 foot sex-crazed langur monkey has been assaulting them. Apparently the predatory primate saw a "couple engaged in amorous activities" and has been trying to copy the behavior. An elderly woman died of shock after the randy critter jumped on her. When it comes to primal urges, we'd like to NOM NOM that bebe wombat and say thanks, but no thanks, to that monkey. [Telegraph, Telegraph]

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From the article:

"India has had problems with monkey violence in the past, and in some areas has resorted to training larger, more violent monkeys to combat the pests.

Last year the deputy mayor of Delhi was killed after being attacked by a hoard of wild monkeys on a balcony."

Holy fuck, dude.