Please watch the umbrella:

Will you be watching Melania on Friday night at the ungodly hour of 10 pm ET? I will not, for I will be sleeping after…

Big wheels keep on turning. Proud Mary keep on burning. And we’re rolling. Rolling. Rolling down the river.

Just skip down to the Beto/bunny video, tbh.

Well, I did it. I filled the whole bag.

Can you imagine feeling good today?

Everything about this sucks.

I drank five cans of Diet Dr. Pepper today and I don’t feel great! How was your day?

Let’s dive into some grim news.

Can’t talk! Singing Hoku’s “Perfect Day” to a cobweb-covered stool in the corner!

As my grandfather says, “I feel like I have aged 7 days in the past week.”

I’m still listening to the Trump press conference. I am TRULY going to barf.

You see this? This is my barf bag. It was my grandmother’s barf bag, and her grandmother’s before that. One day I shall…

• Don’t count on Maine Republican Sen. Susan Collins to save us from Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. Though…

We made it. Did we make it? Oh shit. I don’t think we did.

I wish the president would shut his pie hole. Every day!

Anyone else feel like today was a zillion hours long? Or is that just the news cycle?

Barf? In my bag? It’s more common than you think…

Please learn from my mistakes and stay off Twitter today and all days, my friends.

Sometimes I run. Sometimes I hide. Sometimes I’m scared of what fresh hell awaits us tomorrow.