Some of you may recall that last week, Vinny flounced out of the Jersey Shore house in a tornado of feelings. Well, this week, the Jersey Shore cast probably took way too much luggage on their crusade to Staten Island to beg their remarkably unremarkable compadre to return. Sort of like how Shia LaBeouf needs to be convinced to help fix all those robot problems in Transformers 3, except the cast of Jersey Shore is unfortunately not a mechanical race of aliens and that scene in Jersey Shore when Snooki throws up is better than Transformers 3. [ONTD][TMZ]
- Audrina Patridge looks dead behind the eyes on the cover of FHM, which makes her the dream woman for FHM’s dead-between-the-ears readers. [ONTD]
- Duke Bill and Duchess Lovelylocks are in California, where she watched him play in a polo match and then they walked the red carpet before the BAFTA awards gala and it was all very fancy but also magical, exactly the same as a fairy tale from a Disney movie except Kate’s parents aren’t dead and her handmaidens aren’t songbirds and William isn’t wearing one of those weird suit jackets with what look like bathroom cleaning brushes on the shoulders. [US] [Yahoo]
- Jennifer Lopez wore an ill advised cutout dress to the same gala. If cutouts come back in fashion, I’m becoming temporarily Amish and moving to a place where it’s too cold for cutouts to be practical. Like Minneapolis. [Just Jared]
- Singer Monica had her official wedding ceremony with Shannon Brown of the LA Lakers. They actually got married in a quiet ceremony last November, but this is the lavish counterpart to that ceremony. Do the guests have to pretend they’re surprised and happy on their new union? They’ve been married for going on 9 months! This is like the time I discovered all of my Christmas presents in my parents’ closet and had to pretend that I was surprised and delighted come Christmas morning. [People]
- Dave Chappelle has been doing secret shows all over the place, but not so secret that you can’t predict where they are. They’re happening at comedy clubs, so you can eliminate other places for “secret” operations, like on the backroads outside of Grantsburg, Wisconsin and Area 51. [Daily Beast]
- Rumors of Baby Girl Beckham‘s birth have been greatly exaggerated, but when she does make her global debut, it will be in custom Louboutins. The Beckhams: because the terrorists don’t hate us enough already. [ONTD]
- Rob Lowe got all gussied up as alleged wife killer and convicted jerk Drew Peterson for a new TV movie about Illinois’ most Sam the Eagle-y murder suspect. [Yahoo OMG]
- Tyler the Creator, shock-rap collective Odd Future’s most famously indignant foul mouthed child, had a bottle thrown at him at a festival in Scotland. He responded by spending the entirety of the set sitting in a folding chair. Can’t wait until whips all the hipsters into a skinny arm waving frenzy at Pitchfork in Chicago next weekend and responds to them by showing up at the set live via satellite from his couch. [Contact Music]
- Is Madonna recording some new music? Some nerds who are obsessed with her seem to think so. [ONTD]
- Daniel Radcliffe wants to spend his post-Harry, post-How To Succeed years going to school to become an archeologist, thus taking a job from an archeology student who might actually need the money. Kind of like elderly volunteers at art museums, those jerks with their free labor taking all the art history major jobs. [Contact Music]
- Sources say a blaze started in the middle of a Rihanna concert in Dallas, but I suspect that a Rihanna concert broke out at a fire. It happens sometimes. [news.au]
- Hines Ward was arrested on suspicion of DUI last night. The fact that the “D” in “DUI” doesn’t stand for “dancing” is unfortunate on multiple levels: first, if it did stand for “dancing,” that would mean that drunken dancing was illegal and many an awkward dance floor at bar situation could have been avoided. Second, if he was dancing instead of driving while intoxicated, the likelihood of his killing someone as the result of his actions would be minimized. [Contact Music]
- Paul Feig in talks to direct Bridget Jones 3: I’ll Never Get Any Self Esteem, Ever. What kooky British hijinks will Renee Zellweger get into this time? [Perez]
- Image via AP
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