The micropenis, a penis so small that it is "2.5 standard deviations below the mean" or slightly longer than an inch, flaccid, is a popular trope in rom-coms and sitcoms. But outside of fiction, where these penises are routinely poked fun at, how do women actually feel about a teeny tiny dick?
Buzzfeed's Katie Notopoulos took matters into her own hands to find out exactly what real women think of having sex with a man who has a penis that's smaller than small. Turns out that some dudes who have micropeens are hot (no, like really hot), some are gifted in the oral department and some are jerks. Just like everyone else. And while it may seem like everyone wants a big dick, it appears that many women are just fine with a smallish one, as long as the guy is chill, you know? Nothing worse than a dude with a small penis and an attitude. Or a big penis and an attitude. Or just gargantuan balls and an attitude. Actually, attitude is really what's important here.
Here's just one of the fourteen stories that Notopoulos has gathered and (I assume) lovingly curated. This one involves a magician, so you know it's going to be good.
So I was at a monthly rock 'n' roll dance party at a local bar when I saw him: the tall, dark, and handsome boy I had a mild crush on when I was in high school. We started talking and catching up, then dancing, then making out. Turns out, he is a videographer for a local group of magicians and the magic studio was literally next door, so being drunk and stoked on mutual horniness, I was like, "Sure, what the hell? Let's go."
We arrived and, for whatever reason, he thought it would be hot to have me sit on his lap and watch videos of magic tricks. Whatever. His seduction technique was so risible that I thought, Oh, what the hell, this will make a good story, let's do this thing, so we made our way to the couch in the darkness.
I undid his pants, put my hand on his dick, and realized it was probably no longer than four-fifths of my palm, and I have pretty small hands. He noticed my confusion and actually said to me, "Don't worry, it gets bigger" (it didn't). Suppressing laughter (not exactly at the size of his penis, but that he actually warned me about it), I continued to make out with him.
Unbeknownst to me, he was jacking himself off in the darkness and came on my really cool dress. I was pretty pissed. I made him buy me and my friends pizza afterward. What an asshole, jacking off onto my dress.
Notopoulos does point out that none of these women are penis doctors and probably didn't take the time to stop and measure whether the penis was actually micro or just the wrong side of average. And to be fair, lots of times it's really dark when people are having sex and so accurate measurement can be difficult, but the takeaway from this is that 1) attitude matters, 2) people can do lots of things to have sex with each other that does not involve actual penetration and 3) some women are cool with micropeens and some are not. Just like some women are cool with men who have shaved their chest hair into a lightning bolt and only refer to themselves as Gronkus the Great and some aren't. It takes all kinds.
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