We would never say definitively that presidential candidate and absolute charmer Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer. That’s just a silly internet joke, children, one that’s gaining traction this election cycle and is in no way substantiated by Cruz’s cold dead eyes or his evident lack of human feeling. Stare into those flat, lightless features, behold those awkwardly-held arms, then try to sleep.
As the Daily Dot points out, the evidence that Cruz is behind a string of unsolved killings in northern California throughout the ‘60s and ‘70s is circumstantial, we suppose, although evidence has been accumulating alarmingly under the hashtag #ZodiacTed. Now, there’s definitive proof: a shirt that says “Ted Cruz Was the Zodiac Killer.” Nothing says proof like a shirt.
Ted Cruz’s new favorite workout shirt was created by photographer Tim Faust and drawn by his artist friend Rory Blank. (Correction: Faust tells us he hasn’t worked as a photographer in a while; he is the current general manager of Party World Rasslin’). The gents have announced that the proceeds from said shirt will go to the West Fund, an abortion fund based in El Paso. The West Fund, Faust writes, “provides funding and support for abortion services to the people of southwest Texas—women most severely punished by the barbaric policies of our own Zodiac senator.”
This isn’t a sponsored post. Nobody asked us to do this. I just really like this damn shirt. You can also just donate to the West Fund here, or spread Ted Cruz serial killer conspiracy theories anywhere your heart leads you.
Contact the author at anna.merlan@jezebel.com.
Public PGP key
PGP fingerprint: 67B5 5767 9D6F 652E 8EFD 76F5 3CF0 DAF2 79E5 1FB6
Image via AP.