While everyone bangs on about how marvellous Kylie looks as she battles bravely back from being dumped by her boyfriend, after battling bravely against cancer, after battling bravely against being quite a bad actress and a mediocre singer, we can't help but wonder what exactly is so marvellous about ratty hair, roots, a quite ghastly purple dress and make-up that a Brazilian drag queen would drool over.

But then, we have a small cold heart. Like a pebble.

[ Isn't Kylie fabulous blah blah blah]