"Bruce Springsteen: The Classiest Celebrity Cheater"

Well, maybe not. But Salon writer and Springsteen obsessive Rebecca Traister has a funny piece on feeling grateful for the not-so-salacious details of Bruce Springsteen‘s alleged affair:

While Tiger Woods reportedly texted one of his lady friends, “Hold you down while I choke and Fuck that ass that i own Then im going to tell you to shut the Fuck up while I slap your face and pull your hair for making noise,” Bruce reportedly hung around Ann at the treadmill and told her that she had the “‘nicest ass’ in the gym.” Where Tiger reportedly scraped up enough change to offer one of his mistresses a chicken wrap sandwich from Subway, Bruce may have sent Ann unsigned Valentines and given her front-row seats to his rehearsal shows at Convention Hall in Asbury Park, as well as two lefty books in the hopes that they might prompt her to reconsider her conservative politics.

Which gets at one of the reasons this story sounds practically wholesome in comparison to the grunge that has floated to the surface in recent months. While, if true, Springsteen’s behavior was likely painful for his family, it seems on its face not to have been built on the degradation, objectification, hatred for or cruel treatment of wives or mistresses, but on appreciation for a specific, normal-looking 45-year-old woman who happened to be a dead ringer for his wife. When viewed in the light of celebrities who have sex with multiple, seemingly interchangeable women half their age, who hire staff to cover up for them, who have sex with interlopers in their spouse’s beds and choose as sexual partners fame-seeking publicity generators, the aged rock star who flirts awkwardly and tries to change the politics of the age-appropriate(ish) lady at his gym is practically chivalric.