British Novelist Says Spice Girls Made Generation Y Drunk, Slutty

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As we've mentioned before, the Daily Mail's Femail section is always good for some shits n' giggles: British women hate sex, love shopping! they also have enormous tits! But today the British tabloid has got a real gem: Novelist Fay Weldon goes absolutely apeshit about the tyranny of the Spice Girls, whom Weldon holds responsible for "a generation of our young womanhood [taking] to binge drinking, Saturday night sluttishness and 'happy-slappings'." First of all, happy slapping is officially our new favorite term (Not that we condone it! Violence is bad!) Related: WHAT THE FUCK.


With tenuous logic, Weldon explains her Spice-Girls-are-the-root-of-all-evil theory. She points to the Spice Girls lyrics as encouraging young'uns to get high and fornicate. "What chance did formal sex education have when faced with the catchy lyrics - written by men, of course - that told young girls to indulge in such things as 'weekend love' and encouraged 'playing games'? What it did of course was to separate love from sex. The Spice Girls killed romance," Weldon concludes. Wow. She is really giving Zig-a-zig-ah way too much credit.

But it gets even weirder! Weldon says that the Spice Girls are also destroying modern feminism. She explains that the Spices' fem-botty bodies are maintained so Posh and the lot can remain attractive to men, then, in the same breath, Weldon criticizes them for being working mothers. "According to the rumour mill, chickenpox has struck on the tour. It must be dreadful in that 747. Well, what did the feminists think would happen? That these girls wouldn't have messy relationships and have to drag their kids round the world so they could go to work? At the end of the day, a working mother's a working mother. In the cotton mills 150 years ago, toddlers crawled about the dusty factory floors. Now it's on the aircraft floor, up and down the aisle. What's the difference?"

What's the difference??? Well first of all, the mothers working the cotton mills didn't have a choice. Secondly, the fact that the Spices are working mothers doesn't mean that they're inattentive or bad mothers. What's wrong with involving your kids in your work life? At least they're spending time with their children! We're tempted to say that this article was meant to be a satire, but reading reviews of Weldon's books makes us wonder if she's dead serious. Says the Guardian on Weldon's What Makes Women Happy: "The contents page lists the causes of women's happiness. They are the usual suspects - sex, chocolate, shopping, and the three Fs - friends, food, family." Well then! Weldon is clearly an expert on women and we should defer to her Spice Girl revelations.

How the Spice Girls Have Killed Feminism, Subverted Morality And Embarrassed Us All [Daily Mail]
Lie Back And Think Of Jesus: After Seven Decades As An Atheist, Fay Weldon Has Found God. But Has She Stopped Believing In Women? [The Guardian]

Earlier: British Women Prefer Buying to Boning
British Women Have Enormous Breasts


Jenna Sauers

On the other hand, when Fay Weldon worked in advertising, she proposed marketing vodka with the tagline "Vodka gets you drunker quicker." Unfortunately it didn't fly with her bosses.

As she explained to the Guardian: "It just be obvious that people who wanted to get drunk fast, needed to know this."

I think that's something we can all get behind.