British Man Looking for Love, Asked Internet to Pay for Dates

This is the tale of Tom Packer, a lonely lad from Norwich, England. Poor Tom, a man as unlucky in love as he is rich in facial hair, has been on a desperate search for his truest love – the Elizabeth to his Darcy, the Jane to his Rochester. A shivering Tom even once took the cold, winter streets of London with mistletoe attached to his head. But alas, the young barkeep couldn’t seem to find love.

So what is a romantic like Tom to do? Being a man of both ingenuity and resources, our young Mr. Packer turned to the internet. And instead of seeking love in the squalid wastelands of Tinder or Match.com, Tom turned to the crowd funding site Indiegogo. There, Tom enjoined the “people of the internet and fellow romantics” to toss a shilling his way so that he may charm the women of England.

You might be asking yourself: “Who is this plucky Mr. Packer fellow?” According to Tom:

I like reading as much as going out with friends, I find thunderstorms relaxing to listen to and can easily lose myself in a good film. I like sitting in busy cafes writing poetry and people watching. The problem is I don’t have a lady/partner in crime/personal femme fatale to share all this with me, teach me new things and put me in my place every now and again.

Tom is not one to shy away from hard work: for 1,000 GBP Tom would have taken you to Paris, for 5oo pounds, written you a lovely little poem and taken you on a date. And for varying other sums provided you with a signed photo over which to sigh longingly, or a peek in to Tom’s soul with pieces of his personal diary.

But alas, dear reader, Tom’s search was foiled by the cynicism of our modern era. Mr. Packer’s campaign only raised 227 GBP, far short of its goal of 1,300.