Bristol Palin No Longer Engaged to Man Named Dakota

Bristol Palin is no longer engaged to a man named Dakota, who’s reportedly harboring a “secret wife,” says Yahoo!.

The engagement lasted two months and went very public on Instagram, only to have a breakup announcement posted on Facebook by Mama Bear Palin.

“Bristol and Dakota couldn’t be more thankful for the love and support of family and friends over the past months while preparing for their wedding. They have informed loved ones that unfortunately the announced celebration planned for May 23 will not be held,” Sarah stated.

And yet—a celebration WILL be held, according to Bristol, with both Palin’s and Meyer’s families (who’d already committed to attending the wedding) expected at the party. Huh.

“Many friends and family still look forward to getting together that day in Kentucky anyway – and the Palins and Meyers are happily looking forward to still being at ‘the old Kentucky home’ on May 23 to celebrate life, in general!” Sarah continued. “Family members and close friends know they are welcome to share a great bar-b-que on the farm that day. All involved, especially Dakota, Bristol and Tripp, and their parents and grandparents, thank supporters for the love they’ve expressed.”

I don’t know what’s going on here: Bristol trying to pull a Nicki/Beyoncé and expecting people to give a shit when her wedding actually happens and photos leak onto Instagram, mildly disrupting social media for five minutes; this so-called “secret wife” requesting “secret alimony” back payments; Bristol and Dakota realizing they’re actually still quite young and maybe should focus on having fun and enjoying their youth for a bit before settling down.