Bristol Palin Makes An Excellent Point: 'It Wasn't Chelsea Clinton'

Recently, I compared the memoirs of Bristol Palin and Malala Yousafzai on this site and many commenters claimed it was an unfair matchup. They said every young women would fail in comparison to the 17-year old Nobel Peace Prize winner (true) and that Bristol never held herself up for such scrutiny (debatable).

But in a blog post last week, Bristol wrote this:

Imagine for a second the outrage that would happen if Chelsea Clinton had gotten pushed by some guy. Had she tried to defend herself, the liberal media would’ve held her up as some feminist hero.

But it wasn’t Chelsea.

Fair enough. Forget Malala. If Bristol wants a comparison to Chelsea, let’s give it to her. Instead of a chart, here are statements made by both young mothers in the past two months. See if you can guess who said what.

ON BEING A MOTHER

a. I just hope I will be as good a mom to my child—and, hopefully, children—as my mom was to me.

b. Where is my shit? I have a five-year-old in the car.

ON PATIENCE

a. My little sister comes up to me and says “some old lady just fucking pushed me, she just hit me.” Oh fucking hell no, no one’s gonna touch my sister.

b. We have a saying in my family, “Patience is a virtue, but impatience gets things done.”

ON OVERCOMING CHALLENGES

a. Something I have become more aware of as I’ve gotten older is the gift my parents gave me of believing that nothing is impossible and that any challenges can be overcome.

b. After this incident, I still had a perfect manicure on all ten of my nails.

ON WHAT MATTERS MOST

a. I was curious if I could care about [money] on some fundamental level, and I couldn’t.

b. Next to God, family is the most important thing to me./ They took my $300 sunglasses!

ON MALALA

a. I’m grateful there are inspiring leaders like #Malala who are fighting for girls’ education.

b. [silence]

ON WHAT’S PRECIOUS

a. I’m sure you heard the happy news that Chelsea Clinton had a baby. But did you know her father-in-law and Clinton family pal Edward Mezvinsky is a convicted felon because of committing bank, wire, and mail fraud? Of course, you didn’t. Because the friends and family of the revered liberal elite are treated like delicate China (sic’d). Don’t handle too roughly. They are precious. They are off limits. Don’t push on them too hard.

b. Marc and I are full of love, awe and gratitude as we celebrate the birth of our daughter.

ANSWER KEY: Really? You couldn’t figure it out?

All Bristol Palin comments come from police audio and her blog posts. All Chelsea quotes from social media, newspaper and magazine interviews.

Nell Scovell is currently writing the movie version of Lean In for Sony Pictures.