Brigitte Bardot Threatens to Leave France for Vladimir Putin’s Animal Paradise If Circus Elephants Are Euthanized

Brigitte Bardot, the actress your dad would be most likely to describe as celebrity crush in a discomforting tone of voice that lets you know, once and for all, that a conversational threshold in your filial relationship has been crossed, has informed France that she will soon be going the way of Gerard Depardieu unless authorities put the brakes on the scheduled euthanasia of two circus elephants dying of tuberculosis at a zoo in Lyon.

The French actress-turned-animal rights activist made the announcement of her imminent departure on her animal rights foundation’s website, explaining to the good and patient French people that authorities have ignored her “numerous proposals” to save Baby and Nepal, a pair of consumptive 42-year-old circus elephants. Since Brigitte Bardot’s needling conscience will not allow her to live in a “country that is now just a graveyard for animals,” she will look to join the tax-dodging Depardieu in Russia, home of noted animal-cuddler Vladimir Putin.