Breaking: We're All Gonna Die

  • According to a new government study, a few extra pounds won't kill you! [ABC News]
  • Or they will kill you! Science daily says the overweight risk dying from cardiovascular disease, and the underweight have increased mortality from a shitload of other diseases! [Science Daily]
  • Guess what? A TON of other things besides your weight can make you kick the bucket. If you're angry a lot, you'll probably have stroke. If you pee in the ocean, you'll get eaten by a shark. Here's a list of 48 other things you probably shouldn't do unless you want to die. [MSNBC]
  • Your kids could die if they eat the beads from an Australian toy called Bindeez. Ingesting the toy was found to mimic the effects of roofies! [Wall Street Journal]
  • Oh hey guys, that HIV vaccine we gave you? Yeah, it might make you more susceptible to the disease. Whoops! [Wall Street Journal]
  • Hm, you probably shouldn't go abroad either, because you might get stabbed by your roommate and/or her sketchy Italian boyfriend and/or someone else. [ABC News]
  • Or you might just get bedbugs. Amazingly itchy! [USA Today]
  • Well at least there are still adorable puppies out there, and apparently 86% of people spend more time with their puppies than they do with their children. Awww. [Pet Health Care]

Share This Story