Breaking Dawn Director Withholds Sex

Bill Condon — who wrote and directed Dreamgirls for the silver screen and is the director of Twilight: Breaking Dawn — had trouble deciding which clip to show fans at Comic-Con.

“Once we decided that we didn’t want to show the wedding dress and once we decided we didn’t want to show her pregnant, we were limited to the honeymoon,” Condon tells the LA Times. ZOMG the honeymoon! During which Bella and Edward The SparkleVamp consummate their union with insane passionate ferocious preternatural undead sex.

Here’s the thing: There is no intercourse described in the book. Stephenie Meyer, that cheeky Mormon, wrote about the couple going to a secluded island. They hold hands under the moon while wading in the ocean. Edward whispers the word “forever.” And then… Bella wakes up. She opens her eyes feeling fine and dandy because she got laid, but she’s covered in feathers because Edward “bit a pillow or two.” And then she realizes she’s got “large purplish bruises” all over her body because she banged a creature with supernatural strength. As far as losing-your-virginity stories go, it’s a doozy. Breaking Dawn is really Breaking Vag. But Stephenie Meyer sorta skips over detailing the appealing/appalling passion-out-of-control stuff. Condon does not! Yet he refused to show the bed-breaking boot-knocking scene at Comic-Con:

“The question was do we want to show the sex, which would have been crazy and great, but I thought we should hold back on that.”

Dammit, man. That is all we care about! The 108-year-old creature that drinks blood does a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am on a teen virgin! Gah.

(Meanwhile, someone recorded the footage that Condon did show at Comic-Con. It’s honeymoon night and Bella is nervous about finally doing the do. She brushes her teeth and shaves her legs. And then she walks out on to the beach where Edward is waiting. And drops her towel. Cue screaming.)

‘Twilight: Breaking Dawn’ Director Nixes ‘Crazy, Great’ Sex Scene [Hero Complex/LA Times]