Boring Person Pippa Middleton to Be Interviewed as Though Interesting

Illustration for article titled Boring Person Pippa Middleton to Be Interviewed as Though Interesting

On Monday and Tuesday, NBC's TODAY will air a two-part interview with Pippa Middleton. The interview will mark the first time the sister of the wife of the guy who will be King of England after two people die has spoken on camera anywhere, and (falls asleep, immediately snoring very loudly).


NBC is teasing the interview by pointing out that Pippa Middleton has done some interesting things. She went on a very long bike ride for charity. That's interesting! She runs triathlons. Also interesting! She, uh.... wrote a book nobody bought. That's... interesting... She.... wore... a ..... dress......

Sorry. Pippa Middleton is not interesting.


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Here are a list of topics I'd imagine she might be talking about during her two part interview next week:

  • ferns
  • hat bands
  • quietly, nervous laughter
  • scones
  • racing saddles
  • Matt Lauer's forced "warmth"
  • hand towels
  • sighing while looking out of a window into rain
  • brief, polite hugs
  • British guys

If we're lucky, we'll also hear about a wedding that happened 3 years ago. Fingers crossed!

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I don't get it. Can anyone explain why so many Americans are obsessed with British royalty? Almost everyone in my Constitutional Law class was surreptitiously watching the royal wedding during a discussion of our founding fathers' values. Oh, the irony! I'm not usually super patriotic, but getting rid of royalty is one of the best things America ever did. I think it's patently ridiculous that a first world country has a royal family in 2014. The monarchy is archaic, elitist, and undemocratic. But by all means, let's worship people who are famous not because they actually did anything noteworthy, but solely because they are rich and their ancestors built a colonialist empire on the backs of slaves. No, no, by all means, carry on!