Bored Government Employees Posting Craigslist Ads for 'Shutdown Sex'

What do you do when you’re a young public sector go-getter who suddenly finds herself bored, homebound, and sans paycheck thanks to the government shutdown? Something cheap, something stress relieving, something easy — why not post an ad to Craigslist’s casual encounters section for “shutdown sex”? You certainly wouldn’t be alone.

Ads seeking “shutdown sex” have popped up like so many mysterious sores the Washington, DC-specific Craigslist page. After I read the Washington Post’s Alexandra Petri’s account of responding to some of the grosser ads, my curiosity was so unbelievably piqued that I ended up heading over to Craigslist myself and trying to see if there were really that many horny randos who were trying to peg their boners to Boehner.

There are.

What follows are some of the best shutdown sex-seeking ads from DC’s Craigslist. Trigger warning: ew.

Furlough sensual massage – m4mm – 31

I am one of the people affected by the government shutdown. I need some extra income to help while the shutdown continues. I am a handsome 31 year old white male. I give great sensual massages and other services. I’m tall, clean, sane, d&d free, strong hands, moist tongue and a sensual touch. Email me for pic, info, rate and to schedule. I’m available all day and evening. I can’t host need to travel to your hotel/home near a metro. Put furlough in subject so I know your real. Please be real and serious!

Was on the fence until we got to the part where he revealed that he has one of those moist tongues I keep hearing about.

Gov’t shutdown day 2: whatcha gonna do about it? – m4w – 28 (DC/ MD)

Are you and otherwise busy and proffessional female government employee that has been left with nothing to do, writhing in sexual angst? Than I have the bi- partisan solution for you—let’s hookup.

“What a fantastic idea!” You may exclaim out loud, upon reading this. After all, what better way to spend a lazy fall afternoon than pondering the merits of congressional term limits than with your legs wrapped around the face of a handsome, clean-cut, 28yo professional that represents the interests of a private corporation, and therefore has not felt the distress of this economic stalemate with the same immediacy as you. Maybe you need to release some tension, and screw someone as you, yourself feel are being screwed.

Either way, let’s get in touch. Help me help you start the sexual uprising that has been
fulminating while watching countless rounds of failed negotiations and over-blown artificial deadlines fall by the wayside.

I am a 28yo, white, fit with broad shoulders, 5’11, occasional eyewear dabbling personal “public servant” at your disposal. Get at me.

Kind of want to do shots with that guy.

shutdown affair – m4w – 50 (northern virginia)

All of this daytime, weekday hours on your hands and nothing to do? mwm,50, d&d free, college educated, romanticist, extrovert.start with conersation to build a feeling of comfort, safety and desire then progress as time allows.Let’s take advantage and make the most of this short window.no age or race issues except be of legal age. Gamble and choose a new adventure. Don’t let the time be wasted.These windows don’t come often.

Apologies in advance for the Samantha Jones double entendre, but: “Sounds like the windows come a lot more often than I will.”

Gov’t Shutdown: Ill massage/worship you – m4w (NoVA )

I’m looking to practice my massage skills and worship the sexy feet of a woman this nice evening. All I ask is that youre clean and have sexy painted toes. Since I’m trying to be discreet, a toes pic will be all I need to weed out the spam. Talk to you very soon 🙂

A “toes pic.” 🙁

Furlough fun on the dl? – m4w – 37 (NIH)

Working on NIH campus during the shutdown? Let’s sneak off somewhere and show Uncle Sam what “essential” and “exceptional” really mean! This place is a ghost town, lots of quiet nooks and crannies for us to explore 😉

At least at the NIH we can assume that the sex is extra safe. RIGHT?

Fed employee seeking same – m4w – 24 (My place or yours)

I am a “non essential” worker who has today and presumably the week off and am already bored. Above everything I value my career so ideally I am looking for another person who is in the same situation as me for discretion purposes.

About me I am a former college athlete 6’3 200 lbs. I really appreciate physical appearance and hope you do as well. If interested please respond with Shutdown in the title and a pic.

Hope to hear soon also would be interested in m4wm potentially.

Total Republican.

Then, there’s this:

FYI there’s a dick under that black circle.

Slutdown, indeed.

[Craigslist]