Boehner Warns Gays Not To Get Any Ideas

Illustration for article titled Boehner Warns Gays Not To Get Any Ideas

Speaker of the House John Boehner has indicated that Congress will fight for the Defense of Marriage Act. Next up: marauding gay hordes.

Boehner told the Christian Broadcasting Network, "I'm really disappointed in the President and the Department of Justice in the fact that they're not going to defend a law that Congress passed overwhelmingly. It's their responsibility to do that. Now, it's happened before where administrations have decided they weren't going to go out and vigorously defend a law that Congress passed but I really am disappointed in the President in his actions but if the President won't lead, if the President won't defend DOMA then you'll see the House of Representatives defend our actions in passing a bill that frankly passed overwhelmingly."

One of the options under consideration, Boehner confirmed, is for the House to appoint its own counsel to argue DOMA in the current federal cases. That would be the option urged by Rick Santorum. There are a total of four cases challenging DOMA's Section Three in federal court, two in the Second Circuit and two the First.


Meanwhile, in the Senate, Dianne Feinstein is introducing legislation to repeal DOMA entirely, with the support of Patrick Leahy, and in the House, Jerrold Nadler will propose a similar bill. It's hard to imagine it passing in Boehner's House, though.

That's good news for all Americans worried about the descending hordes of gay marriers:

Reports continue to pour in from around the nation today of helpless Americans being forcibly taken from their marital unions after President Obama dropped the Defense of Marriage Act earlier this week, leaving the institution completely vulnerable to roving bands of homosexuals. "It was just awful-they smashed through our living room window, one of them said 'I've had my eye on you, Roger,' and then they dragged my husband off kicking and screaming," said Cleveland-area homemaker Rita Ellington, one of the latest victims whose defenseless marriage was overrun by the hordes of battle-ready gays that had been clambering at the gates of matrimony since the DOMA went into effect in 1996.

Okay, so that's the Onion. But listening to Boehner and his ilk, it's hard to tell the difference.

Democrats Poised To Introduce Legislation To Repeal Defense Of Marriage Act [LGBTQ Nation]
Marauding Gay Hordes Drag Thousands Of Helpless Citizens From Marriage [The Onion]
Boehner Likely To Defend DOMA In Court [CBS News]
Speaker Boehner Tells Brody File President Obama's DOMA Decision Is "Pure Politics" [CBN]

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I'm getting really sick and tired of congress spending all this time telling me how I can't live my life. Republicans who are supposed to be all about small government, why do you care who marries whom or where I decide to get my annual pap smear? As my dear great-grandmother used to say, "there are bigger fish to fry here": there are violent protests in Libya and Cairo, peaceful protests in Wisconsin, troops everywhere else the Middle East, an economy in the toilet, excessively high unemployment rates...I could go on, but really, do I have to?