Bodybuilding Swingers Want You to Accept Jesus Christ Into Your Heart

Forget the so-called "hot pastor" from Kim and Kanye's wedding. Here are the camera-ready faithful who really deserve a reality TV show: Floridians Cristy and Dean Parave, who are outspoken Christians, as well as swingers, as well as bodybuilders. They are very busy, one assumes.

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Britain's Barcroft TV traveled to the Sunshine state to get the scoop (h/t The Daily Mail). It's pretty straightforward, actually: The Paraves treat their sextracurricular activities as an opportunity to stump for the Lord. (They've also combined their love of swinging with their love of exercise to launch FitnessSwingers.com. I wonder if they know about ChristianSwingers.com?) Said Dean: "Swinging to me started as a lifestyle, and then, it was like, you know what? We can do a lot of good with this. Instead of like, you know, let's just have fun with this. I'm getting to people that probably will never even visit a church."

"God's not going to put a lion with a bunch of elephants," he added. "What's he gonna do? He's gonna put a swinger with a bunch of swingers to spread his word. Simple as that."

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"I feel like, right now, this is God's plan," explains Cristy. Fishers of men, indeed!

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DISCUSSION

Diosabella
Diosabella

I said this over the Gawker piece about this, but over the years, I've somehow inadvertently become friends with a lot of swingers and, in turn, met a lot of their swinger friends (despite not being a swinger myself- I swear!). My friends, obviously, are cool people, but their swinging associates are by and large a bunch of bigoted assholes.

Real talk: my experience is that swingers are, by and large, a really weirdly conservative group. Pro-gun, anti-gay, Bible thumping group sex havers. It has been repeatedly explained to me that while it's totally cool for two chicks to fuck (because duh, that's hot), two guys absolutely, positively can't hook up without being judged like a mother fucker or possibly banned from private events. Naturally, two dudes can hang out if there's a lady between them, but for obvious reasons that's totally different (eye roll).

The different groups I've meant are also vocally against gay marriage. Like, cars covered in Yes on Prop 8 bumper stickers and the whole deal. They're mostly super republicans who think Obummer is the worst— and are stockpiling guns and ammo because you can't trust the government or something.

I'm sure there are normal swingers in this world, but of the different groups I've met, I've been shocked by how conservative they are. And not just conservative, but super conservative without even the vaguest awareness of the irony.