Body Language "Expert" Weighs In On Vogue's Anna Wintour

We invited our body language "expert" Tiara Dew Dots to analyze Anna Wintour's body language and facial expressions during her appearance on David Letterman's show last night. Ms. Dots' discoveries, after the jump.

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TDD: Poker players wear sunglasses so as not to give away their secrets. Eyes are the windows to the soul, and Anna has pulled down the shades. Nothing will be revealed until SHE IS READY.

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TDD: Even after the shades come off, her hair is a curtain, a shield. Or possibly an electric fence. Proceed with caution.

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TDD: Her shoulders are relaxed, yet her arms are held close to the body; she plays her cards close to the vest; keeps us guessing: Which white blonde actress will be on Vogue next? Dave has shown her the sole of his shoe, a grave offense, but she laughs with ease, because he is merely a pawn in her chess game of fashion and publicity. A pawn!

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TDD: In this serene moment, it's quite obvious by the way her mouth is slightly turned up at the corners that Anna is thinking of Roger Federer.

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TDD: See that glint in her eye? She'd like you to know that despite everything you have read about women's magazines and self-esteem, anorexia is not an epidemic! Obesity is. And The September Issue opens Friday.

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TDD: Fascinating. You read about it in books, but never get a chance to observe it in the field! Open mouth, head cocked, eyebrows raised, shoulders down… This is the kind of haughty delight one sees only in the incredibly rich.

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TDD: Uh-oh. There must be someone over a size 6 in her sightline. Bad news.

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TDD: Kidding! What is this, Minnesota?

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TDD: But seriously, there's something amiss. Are there BLACK people in the theater or something?

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TDD: Because that's cool! Especially if it's Michelle Obama! Or Oprah, post-crash-diet!

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TDD: Right about here you can tell that Anna's patience is wearing thin. Her smile is tight and unnatural; her eyes narrowed. She may have to lie when asked about the recession.

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TDD: She's trying to appear convincing while talking about how you don't need an expensive gown — just some $20 lipstick. But there's fatigue in her eyes and even the thought of some low-budget cosmetic touching her face has made her left eye kind of want to twitch a little. She's had to widen it to keep from developing a nervous tic.

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TDD: She's like, "Shit. What was I saying?"

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TDD: Oh yes. "People in Minnesota look like little houses."

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TDD: Err…

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TDD: What I mean is, The September Issue opens Friday!

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TDD: She's convinced she's been a charming guest. She's relaxed around most men, because she knows she weighs less than they do and will look thin next to them.

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TDD: And when the interview is over, the electric fence separates her from the world once again.

Earlier: Body Language Expert: Twilight Stars In Love
Body Language "Expert" Weighs In On Brad & Angie

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DISCUSSION

#4 Made me laugh out loud. Thanks, Dodai!