Bobby Brown Vows that Daughter Bobbi Kristina Will Never Escape His Disgusting Reputation

World's Yuckiest Blowhard Bobby Brown responded to rumors that daughter Bobbi Kristina plans to change her last name to distance herself from him: "She can't change her last name, her name is her name. She'll forever be known as Bobbi Kristina Brown. There's no changing that, there's no taking that back." Bobby Brown made you, so BOBBY BROWN OWNS YOU. He also said that, if allegations of Bobbi Kristina's drug abuse are true, he's confident that it's just a "phase," and she's not following in her parents' footsteps. This concludes another exciting episode of Bobby Brown: Name Lawyer! [MTV]


State Farm Insurance is suing Kat Von D over a 2010 house fire that caused $909,199 in damages. Apparently Von D foolishly lit a bunch of candles, which are made of fire, and the fire got on the house, and the house burned up to the maxxx. Also, Von D's cat Valentine died, which is sad. I guess the moral of the story is don't use candles unless you want negative a million dollars and a dead cat. [TMZ]

President Obama adorably awards Bob Dylan the Presidential Medal of Freedom, stating that Dylan's music had "considerable influence on the civil rights movement of the 1960s and has had significant impact on American culture over the past five decades." The amount of freedom in the room is so fucking intense that Bob Dylan is forced to wear sunglasses the entire time. [Rolling Stone]


The transgender punk rock frontwoman formerly known as Tom Gabel makes her stage debut as Laura Jane Grace. I was worried that some people expected me to come out looking like Little Bo Beep or something," Grace told Rolling Stone. She didn't, and by all accounts was met with massive love and support from the crowd. [E!]

  • Amanda Bynes protests that she doesn't even drink, you guys, she's just an idiot. [E!]
  • Courteney Cox glues feathers to her seven-year-old daughter's eyeballs. [Us]
  • TMZ founder Jim Paratore dies of a heart attack at age 58. A suddenly human-compassion-ridden TMZ manages to report the death with zero exclamation points or upskirt photos of Paratore's widow. [TMZ]
  • Here is a photograph of Andre 3000 looking exactly like Jimi Hendrix. [E!]
  • Michael Buble wants everyone to know that he is having Skype sex with his hot wife, like, all the time (quit braggin'). [People]
  • Leonardo DiCaprio goes to the chiropractor. QUICK, EVERYBODY CARE!!!!! [JustJared]
  • Mark Zuckerberg rides a boat. [People]
  • Diff'rent Strokes star Todd Bridges files for divorce, causing hundreds of media outlets to feverishly write, "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?" even though it is NOT RELEVANT IN ANY WAY. [E!]
  • Miranda Lambert found a dog in a ditch, adopted it, and picked up a frog one time. [E!]
  • Kate Middleton wore the same dress twice, which is literally the exact same as pooping in the queen's tea. [E!]
  • Peter Dinklage would appreciate it if you would stop being such a dick to farm animals. [Yahoo!]

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