Step right up for the Greatest Show On Earth: Project Runway. After the jump, Jennifer, Dodai, Tracie and Jessica liveblog the premiere episode of the show's fourth season, where we're sure to see plenty of fancy, sparkly costumes and nary an abused elephant or overstuffed clown car. (One hopes!)
Jen: tracie - don't you think heidi sorta has jaslene's voice?
Jessica: wow, he's supposed to be a designer with that shirt?
Dodai: this guy is jay 2.0
Jen: no he is vincent 2.0
Dodai: MISSHAPES HAIR
Tracie: homer simpson said that only two types of people wear hawaiin shirts "gay men and party animals"
Dodai: that guy is both
Jen: uh oh - carmen is a model?
Dodai: her skin!!!!
Jen: she looks like she is going to get beat up, this young one who works for ralph
shit her name is pistol
Tracie: kit is last year's Alison
Jen: i loved alison and i think i hate kit already
Jessica: i hated all the girls who would go to college and change their name, tell people it was sadie or nico or some shit
Dodai: STRAIGHT GUY??? with gay facial hair
Tracie: omg! ew! scary puppets
Dodai: my point is that guy may be straight but his facial hair is not
a 39 year old man named marion is also not straight
Tracie: wait, how old is sweet p?
Jen: $10 says sweet p is the next wendy pepper
Jessica: 42! i think
Dodai: i bet sweet p reads bust magazine
Jen: what's with her erin fetherston hair? and schizo tattoos?
Tracie: i don't want to grow up to be sweet p i will not shop at delias when i'm in my 40s
Dodai: I'd like to call and end to sweeping keychains on jeans, thank you
Tracie: so how many dudes are straight?
Dodai: it's only been 6 minutes and they're already drinking
Jessica: so far i'd count one
Dodai: GEMINIS that equals CRAZZY
Dodai: ok the hat
Tracie: that guy went from gay career to gay career
Jen: in the words of elaine stritch in sondheim's "company": doesn anyone still wear a hat?
Tracie: the art school boy with the glasses looks like a lesbian
Dodai: first challenge!!!! haha TENTS
Dodai: ugh this is a cop out ANYONE CAN MAKE A DRESS OUT OF FABRIC
Tracie: omg, big fat party animal was just clutching his chest
Jen: ew grass stains my ass
Dodai: grass stain? fucking hippies.
Tracie: i bet she smells like patchouli
— FIRST COMMERCIAL BREAK —
Dodai: i can't remember anyone's name
Jessica: me neither
Dodai: except sweet p
Tracie: i remember sweet p hahaha jinx
Jen: do you think tim worries about becoming a cariacature of himself? like, how he jsut said make it work?
Dodai: he knows what the people want
Jessica: he's a fashion monkey dance tim, dance!
Dodai: the hat gay
Jessica: hat gay!
Dodai: RAMI IS HOT
Jennifer: guys, elisa is so this season's angela
Dodai: UGH ELISA IS THE HIPPIE
Tracie: I'm sorta into elisa
Jessica: she's not nearly as bad as angela
Jen: we don't know that yet
Jessica: angela just had those retarded fleurchons. elisa actually seems like she's doing something different
Tracie: she will probably start a compost heap in the apt.
Jen: i am worried that elisa is going to stab herself with a needle, sewing onto herself Jessica: former model has kelis hair
Jen: i don't think jack is so hot. i would take rami over jack even though they're all gay
Dodai: you know what color i don't like? GRAY YawN that dress is nice though. christian's looks like a suicidal librarian
Jessica: simone is hot
Jen: i agree. she is the alison
Dodai: where are the grass stains on elisa's dress?
Jen: i like that tim just took the piss out of elisa's dress
Tracie: yeah, what happened to the grass stains
Jen: and is tim wearing jeans????? i thought that tim doesn't believe in jeans????
Dodai: that dress looks like it is three hours after the mermaid parade
Jen: elisa dares to question tim???. she is a FOOLi like how she is all about deconstruction or whatever and she has such an overstyled haircut
— SECOND COMMERCIAL BREAK —
Jessica; Ah he's doing his lesbian hair!
Tracie: I have that orange and hite comforter cover in the gay party animal's rom
Jen: Does Elisa have a Madonna Detroit-Brit accent?
Dodai: How is Simone's dress taking so long when it's so simple?
Jen: Guys is it weird that watching this I miss people from seasons past?
Jessica: Was Tim's hair always this poufy?
Dodai: Where is the Lezebel model?
Jen: Her name is Marie! She has NAME!
Dodai: OMG the hippie is PISSING ME OFF
Tracie: Hand measure?
Jen: No hand measuring is fairly common
Jessica: She needs to make sure the model has good chi.
Dodai: Seriously though, she was feeling up that model.
Jessica: Maybe she's a Lezebel too.
Dodai: Ricky ricky ricky, that HAT
Jen: That blonde model is FUG
Jen: shocker: elisa's dress doesn't work. God I can't wait to see Nina take a big juicy bite out of Elisa's soul.
Tracie: I hope we get to see her model fall.
Dodai: "I think there's some hand sewn crap up in here". That was Misshapes.
Jessica: He's establishing himself as the bitchy gay.
Dodai: I am so excited for bitchy panel!
Jessica: I think Nina Garcia has a case of the cuntface.
— THIRD COMMERCIAL BREAK —
Jessica; Whoa, Sweet P. With the bra. An the halter top. Looks like Natasha Lyonne in Slums of Beverly Hills.
Dodai: Hurry and do the runway show!!
Jessica: I'm bored too.
Tracie: I love the way she says "Nina Garcia". Neeeeena Garseeeea.
Jen: Monique Lhuillier sorta looks like a trophy wife.
Dodai: Monique designed Britney's wedding dress y'all!
Tracie: And Pink's dress.
Jessica: Oh she's carrying it so she doesn't kill herself.
Dodai: Did you see the way Elisa wrinkled her nose?
Jen: Fat guy's dress is awful. What intelligence?
Jessica: Kevin's is worse.
Dodai: I like that dress!
Tracie: That model is a Heather Asperger knock-off.
Jessica: Sweet P's is cute but not flattering.
Tracie: Of course Sweet P made a baby doll dress. I'm surprised she didn't accessorize with baby clips and a lunch box.
Dodai: Simone's dress, as I said, is SNOOZEVILLE
Jen: Simone's dress made the model's butt look big.
Jessica: Whoa, 80s prom!
Jen: I love that orange dress.
Dodai: I like eating disorder's dress!
Jen: HAHAHA LOOK AT MARIAN THE LIBRARIAN!
Tracie: Rami's is really nice.
Jessica: That dress looks like a broke down flapper.
Dodai: Rami kicks ass you guys
Jen: Rami is the frontrunner by far.
Tracie: J. Lo would wear Rami's dress.
Dodai: Ricky: NO MORE HATS RICKY!!!
Jen: Ricky's dress looks like Forever 21.
Dodai: Wait who is Jack? I never even saw him
Jessica: He's the male model.
Jen: Jack has AIDS I think. I THINK.
Dodai: That model looks like a tranny.
Tracie: That model looks like Laura from last year.
Jessica: What's up with all the sideburns?
Tracie: Ew, Pistol.
Dodai: Carmen has what they call a "vision"
Jen: I hate that they call her Sweet P. call her by her god given name.
Tracie: I know, way to indulge her
Dodai: Heidi said Sweet P and I spit on my keyboard I laughed so hard.
Jen: Haha Heidi hates it. But she's a follower. She didn't like it and now she does cause Nina and Michael do.
Jessica; OMG Simone's model is so not cute.
Dodai: Simone is totes going home.And that shit is riCOCKulous.
Jen: Is Rami's model, kinda, in the words of Tim Gunn, zaftig?
Dodai: We should drink everytime someone says "new and modern".
Jessica: Heidi kinda has man hands.
Dodai: Poor Ricky, I know there are going to be tears.
Jen: I am waiting for my favorite Nina-ism: "aesthetically unpleasing"
Jessica: We should have a crying count for Ricky.
Jessica: I don't like Victorya's dress.
Jessica: Haiku of a cut!
Dodai: Haiku of a cut! WTF
Jen: I am speechless.
Dodai: Nina I'm confused
Tracie: Haiku of a cut!
Jen: Nina is going to cut her.
Dodai: GO HOME HIPPIE.
Jen: "You had me at hello!"
Dodai: Some of my best friends are hippies.
Dodai: Ok, cue the tears on Ricky.
Tracie: Grass stains on fabric; patchouli scented nap time; means your dress will suck. That was a haiku, you guys.
Jen: That was amazing, Tracie.
Jessica: Simone is so going home.
Tracie: hahahaa pooing fabric.
Jessica: That would be so painful.
Tracie: I love that Michael Kores loves a poop joke.
Jen: Michael Kors sorta IS a poo joke.
Dodai: This really is the greatest show on earth.
Tracie: I think that fabric would be less painful than some of the stool I've passed in my day.
Jen: Oh, cry me a river. I have CROHNS.
— FOURTH COMMERCIAL BREAK —
Dodai: RAMI RULES
Jessica: Oh we called Rami FTW
Jen: Rami wins!
Dodai: Israeli army takes no prisoners
Jessica; The lesbian misshape is so peeved
Dodai: Oooh, ricky stays.
Jessica: Yay Ricky is in!
Dodai: Bye bye Simone.
Jen: Is Elisa crying? I think I see tears.
Dodai: Hippies don't cry, they become one with the rain
Tracie: Damn we're good.
Jessica: For reals
Dodai: We really are.
Jen: We called all that shit.
Tracie: Elisa must have excellent karma.
Jessica: The editors need to do a better job of tricking us.
Jessica; God, being the first person to get kicked off sucks. No one recognizes you in the supermarket.
Jen: Look at Tim's limp wrist.
Dodai: Next week, Ricky cries.