While going through photographs from yesterday's Black Friday shopping madness, I noticed that many of the pictures resembled shots from films depicting zombie takeovers or an impending apocalypse. With that in mind, I bring you Black Friday: The Movie.
In a world where people wake up at 4am to get a good deal on a television set...
...where human beings are willing to spend $25.00 on a crayon maker...
...and where people continue to "choose juicy..."
...we should have seen it coming.
"Mr. President, he says his name is Todd and that he's from the planet BroGo. He says he'll destroy Earth unless...we shop." Dun-dun-dun!!!!
There is no resistance...
"Jesus, Helen, what do we do?" "I don't know, Alan! All it says here is that there are doorbusters on Panasonic Lumix cameras!" "Oh. My. God."
"Just shut up, Brandon! If I have to buy an Imaginarium so that my grandkids can have an Earth to play on, then so be it, dammit!"
"Mr. President? I'm rounding up the Transformers as we speak. Let's blow this shirtless bastard back to outer space through the power of consumerism. God bless America."
"My god, Tiffany. They're selling Gremlins for $3.99! Don't you understand whats happening here?"
"Trevor, is it really the end of the world?" "No, Karen. Not as long as someone out there buys a plasma tv." "But who can afford that in this economy?" "Someone brave enough to get up at 4am to shop, Karen. They're our only hope."
"Quick, Harris, put more shit in the cart! It's the only way!"
"Don't you understand?!? You have a choice, Madison: buy this scarf, or be eaten by the giant plaid-clad girl in the window."
Black Friday: Shop Or Be Dropped This Thanksgiving.