Big Bug Is at It Again, and They Really Want You to Eat Crickets

There’s an agenda out there to get you to chow down on bugs and it’s heating up, most notably on the cricket front.

According to a new study from researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, crickets may improve gut health better than that Activia stuff Jamie Lee Curtis tries to sell you. Additionally, crickets reduce body inflammation. The Huffington Post reported that study participants who consumed crickets—in a powdered form, baked into muffins and thrown in shakes—exhibited a decrease in a protein in the blood known as TNF-alpha, which is linked to cancer, heart disease, and depression.

So that’s cool! It’s still a no from me.

For the record, I’m aware that for billions of people around the world, munching on bugs is normal and even delectable. It’s become hip to pivot to bug now. Food festivals and gourmet eats featuring buggy delicacies are cropping up in the United States and Europe. And look, even Nicole Kidman loves eating them!

Bugs are also a great source of protein and, according to the United Nations’ Food and Agriculture Organization, edible bugs require less feed than traditional protein rich livestock and produce a fraction of the greenhouse gases.

Neat. Good. That’s fine. But a lifetime of being both afraid of insects and viewing them decidedly inedible have made these crunchy morsels squicky as all hell for me.

I especially will not be moved by the argument recently made by NPR: “Your Ancestors Probably Ate Insects. So What’s Bugging You?”

My ancestors probably did a lot of things I wouldn’t do! My ancestors probably pooped in the woods. My ancestors probably downed cod liver oil as a pain reliever. My ancestors were probably okay with burning witches or something. And I know for a fact that my most recent ancestors go on at least one smooth jazz cruise a year (hello, mom and dad). I am not my ancestors, NPR, and that headline won’t get me to eat a bug.