Beyoncé Had Her Baby! Let the Rapture Begin!

Illustration for article titled Beyoncé Had Her Baby! Let the Rapture Begin!

This morning the world awoke to hear a chorus of angels heralding the arrival of our savior, Beyoncé's magical girl child, Ivy Blue Blue Ivy Carter! Shrieks of joy are spreading across the planet as people learn that Pregnancé is now Mommyoncé! Jay-Z is now Dad-Z! Hallelujah! The chosen one is FINALLY here!


Ivy Blue Blue Ivy was born last night in New York via scheduled C-section. Hahaha, those assholes! They knew exactly when this baby was coming all along, yet they kept us in constant suspense. J/K! We are all so happy for them that our heads are about to explode, and you can't blame them one bit for not wanting to tell us anything about their birth plans.

There, of course, has been no official confirmation of any kind, but here are a few details to feed your information-hungry brains: Beyoncé checked into Lenox Hill hospital on Friday under the sneaky name of Ingrid Jackson (Miss Jackson, if you're nasty). The couple rented out the entire fourth floor, so they had a lot of space to themselves. On Saturday night, presumably after the baby's arrival, the New York Daily News reports, "people were seen bringing bags of takeout and a dozen bottles of red wine onto the heavily guarded hospital wing." Party on the fourth floor, and everybody (who's been given security clearance) is invited!

Now, about this name. It was first reported to be Blue Ivy, but now the consensus is that it's Ivy Blue. Nevermind! We're back to thinking it's Blue Ivy, thanks to a tweet from the all-knowing Gwyneth Paltrow. Either way, it sounds kind of like a paint color, but the name totally makes sense if you break it down. Ivy can be read as IV, which is the roman numeral of the couple's lucky number 4. So, duh! And blue is Jay's favorite color. So there you have it: a name loaded with all of their favorite things that also sort of sounds like a normal name—at least as far as celebrity children go. Welcome to the world, Ivy Blue Blue Ivy! We look forward to not seeing what you look like until you're four years old. [E! Online, NYDN, IBTimes]

  • Okay, even though none of us want to think about anything but Ivy BlueBlue Ivy today, we still have a lot of celebrity gossip to get through. So I need you to focus! Here we go: All your prayers for Katy Perry's welfare after her split from Russell Brand have paid off. Yesterday, she tweeted, "I am so grateful for all the love and support I've had from people around the world. You guys have made my heart happy again." Mission accomplished! Maybe now she'll see that no man could ever make her as happy as her fans do, and she'll marry us all in a mass ceremony. [E! Online]
  • Egads! Brad Pitt, who's supposed to be sexy and strong at all times, is walking with a cane—and still looks perfectly sexy and strong. (Well, that scruffy beard isn't really working for some of us, but whatever.) Obviously he hurt himself in the most charming way possible: he fell while carrying one of his twins down a ski slope and screwed up his knee. [OMG!]
  • Speaking of ski slopes and Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston spent New Year's skiing with her main man Justin Theroux. The couple apparently rented an intimate 13,000-square-foot house outside Telluride, Colorado and had some friends over for a little holiday getaway. Chelsea Handler and Aniston reportedly took a ski lesson together one day, and none of the guests left walking with canes. Success! [Us]
  • Do you have a desire to go on a cruise with a bossy, fame-hungry mother of eight? You are in luck! Kate Gosselin has signed up to lead a Royal Caribbean cruise this August. For the bargain price of between $1,900 and $3,175, you'll have the privilege of attending a cocktail party with Kate, plus a Q&A (as if there are any questions she hasn't already answered three times over on various television shows), a photo op, and you'll even get to "learn a new craft from the professional herself." Wait, she's a crafting professional now? Great. Anyway, if that's not tempting enough, the cruise stops in Haiti, and it also takes place during hurricane season. Bon voyage! [Radar]
  • Jessica Simpson says she hasn't worn many maternity clothes, "because I don't really love maternity stuff." Instead she just bought bigger sizes. That explains why the Jessica Simpson Collection is going to be expanding into maternity wear soon. [USA Today]
  • David Cross wore a giant red sweatshirt and no pants when he went on Jimmy Kimmel's show. [HuffPo]
  • Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Bristol Palin—once the daughter of a "promising" politician and a Dancing with the Stars "star"—is now working as an assistant at a dermatologist's office in Wasilla, Alaska. That's probably for the best, since there was nowhere for her to go but down in Hollywood. Of course all traces of her former life aren't totally gone—she and her son are living "in an apartment under her mom's TV studio." Let's hope little Tripp soon wanders upstairs and toddles into one of Sarah Palin's Fox News appearances. [E! Online]
  • Brace yourselves. Kathy Griffin is coming back to television full time. She's been given her own one-hour weekly talk show on Bravo starting this spring. [Deadline]
  • Professional television judge Paula Abdul and her boyfriend Jeff Bratton have broken up. [E! Online]
  • Those of you who've spent the past 20 years wondering whether Kristy McNichol, star of Family and Empty Nest (Whoa! Had totally forgotten about that show!), is a lesbian, finally have your answer. She is! McNichol, who's about to turn 50, decided it was time to open up about the real her because, "She hopes that coming out can help kids who need support. She would like to help others who feel different." [People]



You're allowed to rent out a whole FLOOR of a hospital? What about the sick people who may, I don't know, NEED those other rooms too? Silly me, they aren't famous so they don't COUNT.

I thought everyone said Beyonce was faking the pregnancy anyway...?