In the aftermath of the blood moon, just as some Bible enthusiasts predicted, a special message to America has emerged from the celestial chaos. That message is: BEYONCE AND JAY-Z ARE GOING ON TOUR TOGETHER.
Yes, dear reader: America's favorite very hot and talented married couple reportedly have plans to announce a 20-stadium US tour that starts in June. They might play in New York on July 4th.
Both have recently wrapped separate tours, and they've performed "Drunk In Love" literally everywhere (the Grammys, a Super Bowl party, London, probably at least once in their kitchen), so it's not the most surprising of announcements. With that said, though, BLESSED BE. [Page Six]
Miley Cyrus was hospitalized last night after having a severe allergic reaction to her antibiotics, and her show in Kansas was therefore canceled. She's recovering well, though, and she took to Twitter to express contrition through a series of emoji — which USA Today struggled to translate into the AP Style: "Kansas I promise Im as (heartbroken) as you are. I wanted so badly 2 b there 2night. (sad face) Not being with yall makes me feel sh*&%er than I already do (face with medical mask)." [USA Today]
Prince Harry's friends think that Cressida Bonas is too much of a free spirit to accept the job of marrying him, which is insane. IF A FREE SPIRIT CANNOT SUCCESSFULLY BE A PRINCESS THEN I HAVE BEEN LIED TO MY ENTIRE LIFE. [E!]
- Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber canoodled at Coachella, despite the fact that Justin Bieber was wearing a bucket hat and a little bandana wrapped around his neck like a small baby at the beach. [NY Daily News]
- Rob Kardashian has reportedly checked into rehab for issues related to abusing cough syrup, weed and alcohol. [Radar]
- The promotional posters for next season of the Bachelorette toss shade in confused manchild Juan Pablo's direction. [Cosmo]
- Kim Kardashian "channeled Audrey Hepburn" while bicycling around with a basket full of energy drinks. [E!]
- ♪ Jason Derulo ♫ gave a shout-out to the Illuminati. [HuffPo]
- Kate Middleton and Prince William played with some very important puppies as part of their Royal Duties. [Gossip Cop]
- Lady Gaga's stupid "G.U.Y." video allegedly wasted 365,000 gallons of water in the middle of a drought. [The Superficial]
- Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick are still not going to get married; I know you are all absolutely devastated, but we'll get through this together. [The Hollywood Gossip]
- Leonardo DiCaprio continues his Uncool Dad Coachella Tour: he got into a wrestling match (???) with a friend and lost. [TMZ]