Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Have Reached a Divorce Settlement, and May She Receive Her Karmic Bounty 

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s nearly three-year divorce saga has for all practical purposes ended, according to TMZ, which reports that they’ve reached a divorce settlement. They reportedly plan to sign after Affleck checks out of rehab where Jennifer who, in her immense and unyielding patience, drove him on Wednesday after dropping everything to help stage an intervention at his house and graciously fended off paparazzi on the way to the car. According to an April report from US Weekly, she’s been waiting all this time “to give Ben the time and opportunity to work on his health and sobriety” before finalizing the divorce.

Shookus is gone; the phoenix back tattoo remains.

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Welp the Human Ken Doll, the man who surgically altered his entire body to look like a Ken Doll, lasted all of nine days in the Celebrity Big Brother House before he crossed the baseline acceptable standards of behavior for reality TV. Channel Five claims that Rodrigo Alves was “removed” from the house after “further incident,” the first of which was his use of the n-word twice on the show. Alves claims that he left because he “couldn’t cope” without his phone.

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Harry and Meghan reportedly got a dog, whose poop shall be collected on no less than a precious metal scoop authenticated with a monogram, rather than an unmonogrammed scooper, which separates royal feces from that of lowly beasts. The Daily Mail has the news:

I hear that Harry and Meghan have acquired a labrador. ‘The dog is already happily ensconced at their cottage,’ reveals my man with the monogrammed pooper-scooper.

But where does the poop go?

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• Khloe Kardashian posted a photo of True in a baby-sized Bentley. [E!]
• In 2015, Sia dodged a photo with Donald Trump and Ivanka, allegedly telling them she didn’t want her queer and Mexican fans to think they supported his views. And then she had “crazy diarrhea.” [Vulture via Rolling Stone]
• Prince’s family has filed a lawsuit against Dr Michael T. Schulenberg for wrongful death, alleging that he failed to treat Prince for his opioid addiction. Though investigators reportedly have not identified the source of the fentanyl-laced Vicodin which caused Prince’s overdose, Schulenberg has said that he’d twice prescribed him Percocet. [ABC News]
• Blake Lively picks out her own clothes, internet. [Page Six]