On last night's episode of Toddlers & Tiaras, one woman said that being a pageant mom is "no worse" than being a "welfare mom." Then she explained that she sometimes doesn't make "medical payments" in order to afford pageant fees.

Julie (she of "pageant moms > welfare moms") began entering her daughter Cassidy in pageants when she was just two months old. Now Cassidy is seven, and she regularly acts out. Julie insists that her daughter has "undiagnosed" ADHD, for which Cassidy takes an "herbal supplement."

Cassidy repeatedly said that she doesn't like being on stage or smiling, and that she only does it because her mother makes her.

She's obviously harboring a lot of resentment that will surely boil over in about five or six years when she starts pubing.

One of Cassidy's competitors is a little girl whose mother named her Sparkal Queenz. "Sparkal has a lot of Las Vegas in her personality," according to Sparkal's mother, and "she likes to impersonate people."

When I think of Queenz impersonating people in Vegas, I think of this.

Sparkal's mom started a YouTube channel to showcase her daughter.

Here's a taste.

She didn't exactly knock it out of the park when she performed her talent.


Look how pissed off this guy was while watching her.

Michaela is eight and her dad is so Spinal Tap.

And her Ren Faire, sword-fighting, pirate performance troupe mother is so Bernadette Peters. Michaela ended up taking the big prize, and won the whole pageant.

Sparkal won Best Personality, but her mother wished they had a more fitting category.


This woman was the pageant director and she said, "We look for judges that understand that the children will wear makeup, that they might wear hair pieces or fake teeth. We ask them if that's going to interfere with you judging. They say no it won't interfere." I thought the whole point of wearing fake hair, teeth, nails and lashes so that the judges would like you better, not so that they would have to overlook it.

As for Cassidy, she ran out of her ADHD "herbal supplement."

She lost. And got angry.