Behold: A thrilling tale in which a women's group in southwest England dressed up in kerchiefs, striped shirts and eyepatches to hear a visiting speaker talk about pirates. It wasn't until they sat down and Captain Darch began to speak that they realized something was amiss: The 75-year-old retired sea captain "focused on his 2008 ordeal at the hands of Somali pirates in the Indian Ocean, when he was held hostage for more than six weeks." Oops. Arrg.