"Bartender's Guide To Chicks" Will Drive Any Woman To Drink

Illustration for article titled "Bartender's Guide To Chicks" Will Drive Any Woman To Drink

In ancient, pre-historic times, humans most likely gathered around a lake or pond to hydrate… and say things like, "Come here often?" The watering hole has always been a part of the mating ritual, and today's "bar scene" is no exception. Men's Health has a "bartender's guide to happy-hour hookups," in which the author, Chris Connolly, announces: "Bartenders are the coolest." Really? Cooler than Nobel prize winners, firemen, rock stars and UFC fighters? Good to know! Anyway, Connolly hangs out with Andrew, "the coolest bartender at the coolest bar" in his San Diego neighborhood and gleans six tips for picking up women in a bar. And really, he should have stopped after Tip #1, which is "Don't Be A Dick." Enough said, right?


And yet Connolly (who doesn't know what a gimlet is, poor thing) heads behind the bar to work with Andrew for one night. He learns earth-shattering stuff, like:

When a guy goes out with a bunch of women, it signals other women that he's not some kind of knucklehead. When a guy goes out with a group of guys, it means he's on the prowl.

Other tips! Men should try the "romantic return," in which they eye a woman, leave, and then come back. "Leaving the scene and then returning because you 'just couldn't let this opportunity go by' takes you out of the Lecherous category and puts you in the Romantic Fool category. It has a Hugh Grant quality that the ladies go for," Andrew explains. (Or makes you look wishy-washy! Or makes it look like asking for my number was something you had to talk yourself into!) Tip #4 is "Don't Dance (unless it's with a woman)", Tip #5 is "Have Good Follow-Up Lines." Andrew says: "Guys get too caught up in opening lines, when it's the next few things you say that make or break you." Actually, pretty much everything you say can make or break you. When you're approaching a woman, you're being judged, period. Act normal and you're gonna get a normal reaction! Act like a cheeseball or a sleaze and you're going to be dismissed. Possibly pointed at, definitely laughed at.

Last, but not least, Tip #6: Beware Of Overfriending." Quote Andrew: "If you pretend you're just a friendly guy, she'll think of you that way. Don't be afraid to get a little sexual when you're talking to women. And don't hide your intentions. It's dishonest, and they can see right through it." Hmm. Maybe. Women are not some exotic and elusive prey that you need to deconstruct the thought patterns of. I've been in plenty of bars and talked to plenty of dudes. The best pick-up line? The one that works every time? When a guy smiles and says, "Hey." But, you know, that's just me.

Find the Right Line [Men's Health]



As a former bartender and woman I say to men, just say hello. Enough with the stupid games.

We're women. Men offer us sex all day everyday. (Okay, really frequently.) So pick-up lines are lame.

And Andrew, please don't think because something worked for Hugh Grant in a movie that it works in real life. I love John Cusack but I don't want some dude outside my window with a boombox not matter how much I love Peter Gabriel.