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Stressed out? Overwhelmed? Don't despair! August Glamour is here to calm you down, using weird-ass imagery and bizarre advice. Public nudity, pseudoscience, and vagina clicking on the cover image.

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Studies show that a walk in the park reduces tension. Apparently this works especially well if you do it in your undies, a la Anne Heche.

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If that doesn't work, try hypnotherapy. Glamour helpfully illustrates this technique phrenologically, plotting a woman's bad habits directly on her forehead. Good to know that while my anxiety comes from right under my hairline, my stress comes from just above my ear.

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But if none of this works, perhaps the problem is those troublesome menses. If your bloating, irritability, and acne have gotten so bad that they are actually projecting enormous teal lettering in front of your face, try Yaz. Yaz is the young, fun birth control pill that makes you blast white light out of your vagina. Your vagina is Cyclops now. Enjoy. [Glamour]

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I get cat calls running in sweats and two t-shirts. I am NOT going to stroll the park in my panties.