Awesomely Weird Herman Cain Ad Warns Americans They'll Get Pecked to Death by Chickens

Former Presidential Candidate and alleged serial ladygrabber Herman Cain's been on a bit of a media blitz lately. First, he appeared on Fox News to inform viewers that men like Mitt Romney because they're more informed about policy than "other people" (psst: women!). Now, a TV commercial that uses the bizarre imagery of a farmer being eaten alive by domesticated farm birds to illustrate that taxes are too high.

In this analogy, the homicidal chickens are supposed to represent big government and taxes, but they actually draw attention to the fact that Herman Cain, like many of his conservative cronies, is so disablingly bad at analogies that he should qualify for special parking. Chickens are jerks, certainly, but carnivores they're not. If Cain wanted to go Full Farm in his ad, Cain should've shown a farmer being eaten by murderous pigs, who are much more likely to take a bite out of a hapless farmer than a flock of chickens, which, contrary to this ad, are not the pirañas of the American heartland. And what's with the little girl? What does she represent? The chosen leader of the Children of the Corn who commanded the governmentbirds to eat the farmer just so she could delight in the smell of death and the sound of his screams?

Finally, what is Herman Cain running for? Parallel President? He already dropped out of the damn race! Why is he airing commercials on TV that are just him spending money on telling other people his opinions?

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The chickens represent conservative false equivalencies and the farmer is my patience.

[Daily Intel]

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DISCUSSION

LuckyFrog
Lucky Frog

They should have filmed this ad with geese instead of chickens. Dress some wannabe James O'Keefe (or preferably the real one) up as a farmer and send him out to some pond that's been taken over by Canada geese while carrying a bag of bread. No trick camera work necessary — those birds will beat the shit out of him, bite him all over his body, roll him in the dirt, and whomp him with hammer blows from their powerful wings. All throughout, it'll just be terrified screams and that horrible, horrible hissing sound geese make.