Average Retirement Age of a Victoria's Secret Angel? 28

With the news that Victoria’s Secret is dropping “Angel” Miranda Kerr just before her 30th birthday, comes the question — do all old people go to hell? JK, it’s whether youth is the only acceptable mainstream sexy — and once you’ve entered your early 30s, should you just buy granny panties and wear them as underwear, girdle, AND bra? The answer to both questions is yes.

There’s definitely (obviously) validity to the claim that commercial models need to be helllla young to be marketable — or at least that’s what the industry believes. Buzzfeed reports that Laetitia Casta ended her time as an undergarment Angel when she turned into the Crypt Keeper at age 21, and Gisele called it quits when she was an old-ass 26 years old.

At 32, Tyra Banks is the oldest Angel in the retirement home, and that’s Tyra of House Ty Ty Baby Productions. She was probably all, “Sorry, gotta go smize at my mountains of gold doubloons PEACE,” before she burned her angel wings and teleported home. Point is, part of the reason might be that after a certain point, many of the Angels are legitimate money-making machines, and don’t need to strut down the runway wearing 80-pound chicken costumes.