@PilgrimSoul: I just picked up the phone and said it to whoever was just calling me. Read more
Erin Gloria Ryan
morninggloria
@Zombie MissSkittles is not your kind of lady: And then they end up falling in love! Unexpectedly! Read more
I'm an opposite wingwoman. Whenever I'm out at bars and have had a few too many drinks, I find myself pulling super drunk girls with horrible douchey guys aside. "You're making a huge mistake!" I tell them, "He looks like a total douche and you're totally wasted!" Read more
The best wingwoman of all time was Amelia Earhart. Read more
It seems like such a long battle has been fought to get a bunch of people to agree that it is bad to unnecessarily cut up the genitals of little girls in a way that endangers them and puts their future health at risk. Read more
@special_boots: Freshman dorms of local colleges and universities. Read more
I would not have sex with a male prostitute, because I only have sex with virgins. Read more
That last anecdote makes my kink of hiring prostitutes to bake fancy pastries in front of me seem innocuous. Read more
@hatepaperdoll: There's a barber shop that used to be called "Ossama's" that is now called "Obama's." Good PR on the part of that barber shop. Read more
Chicago is still pretty obsessed with him. I see dozens of people still wearing pro-Obama gear every day, and most of the paraphernalia is somewhat vague yet supportive, like a Blackhawks jersey or a Sox hat. I've even seen people wearing Barack Obama-themed pants. Read more
The secret to long life is not getting hit by a bus. Read more
Those poor, poor cell-babies. Read more
Zelaya should have tried to sneak back into the country in one of those horse costumes where one person goes in the front half and another person goes in the back half. Upon seeing what a hilariously intrepid man they banished from the country, the military would have no choice but to laugh and, between hysterical… Read more
He bangs! He bangs! Read more
@SarahMC: I'm doing this!: I think that those "anonymous fat stomachs and butts" montages that sometimes accompany local news stories on the obesity epidemic are the best cure. Read more
@pantsless economist...access RESTORED: It should include a gym membership paid by the study (that the participant can choose to use or not use) and a portion of grocery bills, as health food can be more expensive than crap food. Read more
If I got paid $100 to diet for a year, the first thing I'd do once the year was up is spend the $100 on the world's most awesome cupcakes. Read more