It is medically impossible to resist that temptation. Read more
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Emily Alford
emilyalford
Ph.D. in English. Flower in the Attic. Shares name with superior Brontë.
How did you find my essays from undergrad? Read more
You know what, I did forget “I Am on a Quest, and This Quest Is a Metaphor.” My apologies to ancient Greek men, writers named Joseph, and writers who use initials containing the letters J and R. I deeply regret the error. Read more
These are the hard truths I need to hear. Thank you all. Read more
Well, set Nana up with a Kinja account and get her over here. We can all bitch together. Welcome, Nana! Read more
I mean, even though these are made from my own stomach fat, they still feel sort of alien. But I love that? I will literally show them to anyone who will look because I’m like, “They’re not even made of boobs! Just look!” Read more
I want Wink to win a Golden Globe at least. I’d really love an Oscar for that dog. Read more
Okay I’m glad you noticed that too. I thought I was missing something when I was trying to remember who performed on night two. Why was it so stacked on the first night? Read more
Oh yes, this list is in no way meant to be all-encompassing. It’s not Eurovision without a bop about falling in love with the devil! Read more
Oh definitely like Georgia, Florida, or a Carolina. But Louisiana wouldn’t want either state to get more votes because of the superiority complex with one and the inferiority complex with the other. Read more
Okay I understand the spirit of what you are saying but as someone from Louisiana, it would never give its freedom points to Mississippi or Texas. Read more
I wore this exact blazer every day in grad school. Can confirm its greatness. Read more
Shit I even Googled the chorus because I was like “that can’t be the title, right?” It wasn’t! Thanks for nothing, Google! Changing now. Read more
Fuck. Off. Read more
I mean, “Why I Live at the P.O.” was Eudora Welty living for petty like all true Southerners, myself included, secretly or not so secretly do. Read more
Trust me even if I explain to you what happens right now, you would still be deeply confused. I had to listen twice. Read more
I was just noticing the like disparity. Symone has the most likes at 39K, with Gottmik at 36k, and Rose approaching but not quite at 33K. That all seems to line up with the odds of each person winning. Kandy has 10k. At this point, the show seems cruel for bringing her into a finale just to be embarrassed like this,… Read more
Right? You’re draining a cow abscess, my dude. That’s messy work, so maybe just take your shirt off? Read more
Yes!!! This is specifically the eyebrow I want
Oh that’s good intel, as I currently have three different eyebrow pencils and a powder and hate all of them. Thanks! Read more