Nobody knows for sure what it was like to have sex with Hitler and, with the exception of a small number of very specific fetishists, most people have gone through their lives without thinking too deeply about it. But now, thanks to Martin Amis's imagination, we've got more speculation on Hitler's penis than ever before. Happy Monday.

In Amis's fictional Holocaust account Zone of Interest, Hitler is a fastidious germaphobe who is so afraid of contamination that he won't even touch his lover Eva Braun when they're engaged in the act of sexual congress. During the Cheltenham Literature Festival, the London Fields author described exactly how he pictured Hitler getting his fuck on to an audience that I can only assume was both rapt and disgusted. Via The Telegraph:

"I would hazard this is how it went with Hitler and Eva," Amis said.

"He would fortify his underpants with clean serviettes and napkins.

Then he would go into some sort of excitation with Eva Braun staying a safe distance.

"There would be bourgeois perversion because he was the bourgeois anti-Christ - don't forget the bourgeois in him. I imagine Eva would stand a distance away and lift her skirt. Then there would be some sort of soggy climax on Hitler's part and that would be that."

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On one hand: gross. But on the other, admirable. Amis proves with this detailed Hitler-centric sexual scenario that he can write uncomfortable fanfic alongside the most deranged of One Direction fans.

Image via Getty