Astrology Isn't Bullshit, It's Just Sorta Wrong

Illustration for article titled Astrology Isnt Bullshit, Its Just Sorta Wrong

Ready for some Earth-shattering news? According to Live Science, Astrology may be inaccurate! It's complicated, but basically, the zodiac signs were originally determined by which constellation the sun was crossing through, or "in," on the day you were born. Of course, that was 2200 years ago, and apparently the Earth wobbles on its axis during a 25,800-year cycle. So yeah, holy elliptical movement, Batman! All the signs have tipped one-tenth to the west and if you are a bright, bubbly Gemini, like I am, you may suddenly find that you are actually a stubborn fucking Taurus, for Mercury's sake. And if that's not enough to make your head explode, consider this: If it's your birthday this week, and you think you're a Sagittarius, guess what? You're actually an Ophiuchus. Yeah. The Earth's path goes through the constellation of Ophiuchus after Scorpius. So what's your "real" sign?

Capricorn - Jan 20 to Feb 16 Aquarius - Feb 16 to Mar 11 Pisces - Mar 11 to Apr 18 Aries - Apr 18 to May 13 Taurus - May 13 to Jun 21 Gemini - Jun 21 to Jul 20 Cancer - Jul 20 to Aug 10 Leo - Aug 10 to Sep 16 Virgo - Sep 16 to Oct 30 Libra - Oct 30 to Nov 23 Scorpius - Nov 23 to Nov 29 Ophiuchus - Nov 29 to Dec 17 Sagittarius - Dec 17 to Jan 20

I checked out the New York Post, where Sally Brompton says I will meet someone today who is "as different to you as chalk is to cheese but you are really two halves of the same whole. You will feel complete in each others' company." That's if I'm a Gemini. Since I'm suddenly a Taurus, she says "It's okay to dream but your dreams must be to some purpose. Writing, poetry and music could provide useful outlets for your fantasies. They might even make you rich." El oh el! Jennifer Angel of the Daily News says Geminis should not "be surprised this week if you do something out of character and impatiently approach a prospective sweetheart with an impulsive request." And Taurus? "Chill out, go with the flow and, above all, accept others for who they are. When your expectations become unrealistic, trouble can arise." This is the way I see it: They file horoscopes under "entertainment" for a reason; it's not science, it's just for fun! Plus, the scopes never tell you what to do, they just give you sound advice, like a nonjudgmental friend or therapist. Who doesn't need a little dose of common sense in the morning? Maybe they're bullshit, but they're fun. Then again, I can see both sides, because I'm a Gemini. And I bet the story was written by a cynical Aries.

Your Astrological Sign May Not Be What You Think It Is [Live Science]

Share This Story

Get our newsletter



@Muffyn: Don't worry about continuing to paint your father with the astological sterotype brush, since I've always found that Arieses are stubborn too. It just has more to do with the Aries ego and less to do with a Taurean blanket refusal to listen. Or maybe not, since most Taureans are now Arieses and I'm (apparently) now a Taurus myself and not stubborn at all. Ack! World. Turned. Upside. Down.