Ashton Kutcher and John Cryer to Get Gay Married on Two and a Half Men

Oh, GUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH. Chuck Lorre has announced that Two and a Half Men's heterosexual main characters, played by Ashton Kutcher and John Cryer, will wed each other in a "hilarious" sham marriage so that Kutcher's stupid character can finally adopt the baby he's always wanted.

"You're going to see two men who are not gay but are going to raise a child with a great deal of love and attention," Lorre told The Hollywood Reporter at the Television Critics Association's summer press tour

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. "Their sexuality is irrelevant to loving and caring for a child, which maybe that's the big story that we wind up telling: taking a kid out of the system and giving him a home. What's better than that?"

What's better than that? I don't know, maybe not making a mockery of same-sex couples' struggle for equal rights via a hack premise that was ALREADY DONE IN A SHITTY ADAM SANDLER MOVIE SEVEN YEARS AGO WITH A TITLE WEIRDLY SIMILAR TO YOUR OWN NAME? [ContactMusic]

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