This week’s episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians our A-Plot was the group trip to Cuba; our B-Plot was Kris Jenner missing her kids; our C-Plot was Lamar’s continued struggles with health and sobriety; and our D-Plot was an inside look at what happens to your former college classmate who only read one book on the syllabus and think they know something when they visit a town that relates to the literature in the most minute way. #LEGGO
Scene 2: Filmed on April 20, 2016
At Khloe’s house, everybody’s Favorite Best Friend Malika visits her best friend. Before EFBF Malika can even get a proper hello in, Khloe is on the phone with Lamar’s eye doctor. On the call, Khloe apologizes to the doctor for not being able to fully complete Lamar’s medical history forms, because he’s on a lot of medication that changes daily. The doctor doesn’t mind, so Khloe hangs up. Khloe is slightly flustered but proud that she’s gotten Lamar scheduled for a full day of caretaking. He’s currently in a massage, he has an eye doctor appointment later and he’s getting a dermatological house call because he’s breaking out. I would say “I wish,” but the circumstances under which Lamar is receiving these luxuries prevent me from doing so. Once the Lamar conversation is out of the way, Khloe invites EFBF Malika to go to Cuba. Khloe and her sisters are going because Kendall is set to walk in Chanel’s fashion show, and they should all just go check the country out since it’s “open now.” Khloe also really wants to get down there since everything still looks “1950s” because Americans haven’t been able to get in and change things. EFBF Malika is down, and the two giggle over their luck. This scene was filmed on April 20, 2016.
Scene 4: Filmed on May 3rd, 2016
Kourtney, Khloe, the Disick children, and EFBF, Malika all board a private jet to Cuba! Unfortunately Kendall, better known as the reason why they booked a trip to Cuba, dropped out of the Chanel show so she won’t be joining them. This doesn’t hinder the group’s excitement, though. Kourtney, who is practically a glammed up organic fiber, proudly announces that she doused her family with the hazardous chemical Deet before boarding the jet because she will not be getting Zika on this trip. Malika and Khloe did the same as well. Such a beautiful moment to know that the fear of Zika is reaching our most elite citizens of these here United States of America. Scott also wanted to make the trip to Cuba with the group, but sadly wasn’t able to get his paperwork together in time. What a surprise! Meanwhile, Khloe is also stressing out as she realizes that she’ll be disconnected from Lamar and other family members once they’re in Cuba, since there is no internet and only one hotel with wifi. Kourtney tries to calm Khloe, but it’s a fool’s errand because babygirl is an emotional mess. This scene was filmed on May 3rd, 2016.
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Scene 5: Filmed on May 3, 2016
The first delivery of Kardashians have landed in Havana, Cuba and they make their way immediately to brightly colored Cadillacs that will cart them around the city while they’re there. Kourtney and her kids opt to ride in a van with car seats, while Khloe and EFBF, Malika, take the red convertible Cadillac. While settling into the car, Khloe complains that she already has “the ziky, or whatever it is” because she’s been bitten by a bug. With that, they ride. While Armando, their driver, drives them around, Khloe marvels at how pretty the colors are in Cuba and how Cubans are one with nature because goats are like their dogs. Like the scene prior, this scene was filmed on May 3, 2016.
Scene 8: Filmed on May 3rd, 2016
That evening, the second delivery of Kardashian’s arrive, and everyone makes their way to dinner. At dinner Kourtney, Kim, Khloe, Kanye West, EFBF Malika, and their kids, are joined by Kanye West’s filmographer. The family is also seated at the same table President and First Lady Barack and Michelle Obama dined at while visiting this same restaurant in Havana. The group orders drinks, with most opting for Sangria, which is a staple there, and new to Khloe. The experience for Khloe isn’t all new and fresh, because she just got a call that Lamar has asked someone close to her for some good old cash money. This is troubling because it’s recycled behavior from before his coma and similar behavior to when Khloe and Lamar were married. Back in the day, Lamar would always wait for her to leave town so he could act up and out. EFBF Malika reminds Khloe that she can’t control Lamar, but Khloe is worried that he’s going to take the opportunity to run away while she’s gone. On the other side of the table, Kourtney and Kanye get into a little tiff when she asks him how he “felt” about his blue eyes at the Met Ball. Kanye took immediate offense because he didn’t “understand the question.”. Khloe is #TeamKanye and thinks the question is “passive aggressive” but Kim is #TeamKourtney and simply thinks the question is a question. Kanye does answer the questions and says, “I felt very good about my contacts. I felt very good.” This scene was filmed on May 3rd, 2016.
Scene 10: Filmed on May 4, 2016
The next morning in Havana, the gang loads themselves into their Cadillacs and drive round the city. Kanye casually asks North if she likes her “little diamonds” and immediately understands Kourtney’s question from the night before. Kanye rolls his head around and tells Kourtney that she talks to him and other people like children, so now he understands the question. Kourtney agrees, because she had this same epiphany in the middle of the night. Kanye and Kourtney’s reconciliation was filmed on May 4, 2016.
Scene 13: Filmed on May 4, 2016
Back in their pink convertible, Kourtney, Kim, Kanye, and Mason, ride around Havana. Kanye is getting his life on this car ride because he “feels like [he’s] in a movie,” and he likes “the weird colors.” He also says the city is “dope,” with “easy vibes and weird tones,” he feels like he’s in a “dream” and he “needs to film a music video out here.” Kanye indulges in some “whoooo”-ing, too because he’s always wanted to do that in a convertible. Kanye’s joy was also filmed on May 4, 2016.
Scene 17: Filmed on May 24, 2016
Back in Calabasas, Kris Jenner, bored and sad that most of her highest earners are in Cuba, visits Kylie Jenner at her home. Kylie is doing a Lip Kip photo shoot and is 100 percent bothered by her mother’s presence. She even goes so far as to call it harassment and says maybe 5 words while Kris looks on. Kris also asks Kylie if she’s heard from her sisters at all and would like for Kylie to join Kris in worrying about their safety while isolated in Cuba. Kylie does not care. Most impressively, is Kylie’s ability to pose for her life in a pair of Ugg slippers. This scene was filmed on May 24, 2016, 20 days after Kris’ kids were in Cuba. Ahh, a mother’s love.
Scene 18: Filmed on May 4, 2016
In Havana, the crew heads to lunch. While walking up to lunch, Kim and Kanye ask North about the leaf and stick she’s holding in her hand. Kanye asks his young daughter if her stick is a “magic stick” and starts to sing “you got the magic stick,” before Kim tell him to stop. She then has to explain to Kanye that a “magic stick” is a “dick.” At lunch, Kourtney fills Khloe in on how she talks to Kanye like a child, but she also confirms that she would never say anything to Kanye to intentionally hurt him. So, Kanye asks, “what’s worse, intentionally trying to hurt me or talking to me like a child?” Well, damn. He does say that he prefers to be talked to like a child so he “gets it.” Now it’s Kim’s turn to fill Kanye in on Lamar’s bizarre behavior now that Khloe’s out of the states. They then talk about Lamar’s recovery, and he doesn’t seem to be doing well. He wants to play basketball again, but he is also still suffering through sleepless nights because of negative thoughts that keep popping up in his head. Khloe seems like she’s at the end of her rope because Lamar hasn’t completed any of this therapy treatments and refuses to go back. Like Scenes 10 and 13 this scene was filmed on May 4, 2016.
Well, that’s all our Queen Mother Dolls had for us in Havana this week, but don’t worry, they’ll be back #sooncome. Come check on ya girl’s vitals next week for another KUWColors re-cap on #KUWTKE. #ZIKY
Mariah Smith is a writer and comedic performer who keeps up with the Kardashians. For more Keeping Up With The Kontinuity Errors, click here. You can follow her on Twitter @mRiah.