Are Your Pubes Like a Topiary? Here's the Pinterest for You

Schick Quattro for Women (tagline: “Trim Style”) hopes women will use its razors to shave their pubes into pretty shapes. That’s why the company asked fashion bloggers to pick a “topiary theme” — for their vaginas — and create summer-inspired Pinterest boards.

This is the “Prune for June Summer Style Contest“: “Summer has to start somewhere. Why not down there.” Because no one would ever give herself a decorative vag motif with a razor?

The featured bloggers selected clothes and accessories to compliment their preferred pube styles: “The Landing Strip”; “The Flash”; “The Bare-Muda Triangle” and “The Stargazer.”

Wait, what? I was baffled by the last description so clicked through. “An ethereal beauty, you’re a starry-eyed delight.” But what do my pubes look like? Glittery? Sounds like manic pixie dream bush.

Schick has played around with the “pruning” schtick before; remember Sarah Haskins’ delightful takedown of the company’s “Mow the Lawn” commercial? (Warning: “Some bushes are really big” will be stuck in your head all week.) But this is something else.

Please go forth and submit REAL vagina-inspired Pinterest boards. “Second Day of My Period”? “’70s-style bush”? Or the relevant classic: “Razor Burn.”