App That Lets You Rate Your Coworkers Sounds Like the Worst Idea Ever

Relationships with coworkers are tricky—ideally you want to be friendly but professional, close enough to have fun but not so close you can't maintain boundaries, assertive but not overbearing, aware of the inherent competition without undermining anyone. So that's why Knozen, a new app that "let[s] users compare coworkers to discover 'what people like most about you,'" sounds like a RECIPE FOR DISASTER. Or at least a lot of weepy HR meetings.



Like a workplace version of Hot or Not (which is actually transforming itself into a dating service), Knozen shows you two coworkers and asks you to pick which one is more analytical, trusting, or more likely to leave work early for a date. Then, it displays how many of your coworkers agree or disagree with you, giving an aggregate evaluation of each worker's strengths and weaknesses. No, it won't tell you how hot they are.

Knozen founder Marc Cenedella told Business Insider that he wants the app to become a kind of "personality API" that shows you how represent yourself to other people.

The main problem with this app, as I see it, is that NO ONE LIKES ANYONE. Getting along with your coworkers is hard enough without electronic proof that everyone thinks you're an untrustworthy shrew, or wondering if Lisa from Accounting led a company-wide shadow campaign to sabotage your Knozen score.

Also, maybe we could stop spending our time ranking literally all humans from best to worst? Because all it does is foment jealousy and self-loathing and perpetuate the idea that nothing you do will ever be good enough, because unless you're the one person on earth who's reached the #1 spot, there will always someone "better" waiting to steal your job/partner/life? Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses and compatibilities. Breathe deep, little unicorn.


Bitch Pudding

Awww shiiiit.

Carol M. in Media Strategy: I am coming for you, you thunderous bitch.