ANTM Premiere: We're Smiling From Our Eyes Down To Our Vaginas

We've had to wait almost three months, but tonight we're finally blessed with the return of putting inexperienced models through impractical challenges, where they learn contradictory lessons on everything and anything Tyra Banks deems ratings-worthy. Cycle 11 introduces the first time the woman-born-woman requirement has been thrown out the door. Anyway, let's get this party started. Right?10:00 Next week, sexy lesbians and cute racists! 9:58 Tyra's advice for the girl who lost: "You have to be real." Said by the woman wearing a wig and about 12 lbs of makeup, who also gets about 12 lbs of flesh removed with Photoshop. 9:54 Marjorie's photo was not the best photo. Not that the prize is any big deal or whatever. "Ooh, we're hang a picture of you in your house." 9:44 Tyra actually gives a really good, useful tip! Model the opposite of what you're wearing. 9:30 Damn, those girls are really mean to Isis. 9:24 I really want to make fun of Clark-with-no-E for not knowing what "bureaucracy" is, but I wouldn't even know how to convey it in a picture while wearing a cocktail dress either. Shit, I couldn't even spell it when I was typing it here. 9:20 Ooh, modeling and politics. LOL @ "voting is sexy." 9:13 I never thought I'd be so happy to see Jay with his Gotti brothers hair. 9:02 Holy fucking shit! That's why her name is McKey? Forget about Isis. Can you believe the balls on Tyra for making those girls change their names? 9:01 Marjorie makes me feel uneasy. 8:53 How long do you think Marjorie will coast on the Agyness Deyn look? 8:52 BTW, we're up to 7 on the fierce/fiercely count. 8:51 I dunno. I think Tyra is trying to be a woman more than Isis is. 8:43 He's being just as blasé about "Tyrabot." 8:41 Jay just said "metallic catsuit" like it's the most normal thing in the world. 8:38 Jay's hair is getting grosser. 8:37 Tyra thinks she's so smart for knowing stuff from her high school reading list. 8:32 So Whitney's my life as a Cover Girl commercial is one of the best ones so far. 8:31 Elina is coming off as a L.U.G. to me. She's a little too Angelina wanna be. 8:25 Sheena has the best bod in this whole competition. 8:19 Yeah, what does happen if Isis has to do a nude shoot? BTW, love that that model referred to it as a nude "scene." 8:18 Pre-op! 8:14 It is beyond clear to all of us that Tyra doesn't pick friends based on understanding their hair. Because seriously, look who she's sitting next to. 8:13 I can barely breathe after Annaleigh's story of getting tricked into being a whore. 8:12 Since when are blue eyes and blond hair "exotic"? 8:05 Another thing I love: When girls say that they want to go on Top Model so they can be an inspiration to people. How is being on a reality show where you will be mocked by assholes like me in a muumuu at all inspiring? 8:03 I love how nothing has been toned down. It's all been pushed over-the-top even more. 8:01 I love that one of the models said "it's even some guys' dreams to be in front of the Jays." 8:00 We have our first "fierce" within the first minute. Also, is this whole season gonna be in L.A. again? 7:58 I'm thinking I'll be doing a "fierce" count tonight.


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