I can honestly say that I've never been so upset about a celebrity death as I was about Anna Nicole Smith. It just sucks so fucking much that she's not here anymore drunkenly slurring her words at awards shows, drunkenly flashing her tits at awards shows, drunkenly entering cars, sharing inappropriate masturbation stories, having babies on TV, and well, just generally making great television, like her 2002 Christmas special. Attended by celebrity friends Kathy Griffin, Chyna Doll, Margaret Cho (who made out with Anna), and most notably her toothless cousin Shelly, who got trashed, stripped naked, got in a fist fight, and sang a memorable rendition of "The First Noel." Look at how pissed Anna looks at her.

And that wasn't the first wild Christmas party she threw. Her mom Virgie Arthur, ever the classy lady, sold this home video of Christmas 1994 to TMZ. It shows Anna popping pills right in front of her son Daniel. Virgie doesn't chastise her, though. She laughs along. That woman is a pig.

And how faggy is this? I think of Anna Nicole Smith in terms of Mariah Carey lyrics and get emotional.


Because I miss her
Most at Christmas time
And I can't get her
Get her off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm all right
But then I miss her, most at Christmas time

I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things, crying
Trying to figure out where the hell it went wrong
The pain reflected in this post ain't even half of what I'm feeling inside
I need you, need you back in my life, Anna


When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back Anna, please
'Cause we belong together

Darling, I never showed you.
Assumed you'd always be there.
I took your presence for granted.
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared.


And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven.
Like so many friends we've lost along the way.
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day.