Ann Romney's 'My Husband Isn't Terrible!' Speech Moved to Primetime

Illustration for article titled Ann Romney's 'My Husband Isn't Terrible!' Speech Moved to Primetime

Woo! It's political convention season! Pancake stage makeup and suits in primary colors and televised political tough talk and speeches given by a candidate's non-political expert loved ones designed to show Americans that, if elected, the candidate's policies would be the equivalent of making gentle marital love to each and every one of his or her supporters. This year, the GOP's plan to enlist Ann Romney to humanize her robo-husband Mittens for potential voters was almost thwarted by a restrictive TV broadcast schedule and a profoundly disinterested populace. But thanks to some creative rescheduling, Mrs. Romney will be appearing on primetime, after all.


Mrs. Romney was originally scheduled to speak tonight during prime time, but because God and Hurricane Isaac had other plans, the convention's entire schedule has been compressed from four days to three. And RNC officials determined that it was important enough for America to hear her talk about how her husband is nice that they shuffled other speeches around to make sure hers would be seen by network viewers.

Displaced was Republican New Mexico governor Susana Martinez, a sign that Romney may have given up on trying to convince Latino voters that he gives a shit about them.



Violet Baudelaire

This is because they're going to Carrie her, right? RIGHT?

C'mon liberal media, do it!