Ann Coulter Is Nothing But An Awesome Fag Hag

Illustration for article titled Ann Coulter Is Nothing But An Awesome Fag Hag

On Sunday morning we awoke to find official vadge-sniffing Jezegay Ryan Creed cooing to someone in the living room about how he'd just met Ann Coulter. "And she's fabulous." We rolled our eyes the way we do when he complains about his made-up "gluten addiction" and forgot about it until we read the latest whopper from her new book, as reported in today's NY Observer:

If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine, but I don't think it's going to happen.


LOL! While shit like this is why mirthless straights find Coulter boring already, we realized that "becoming a parody of oneself" seems to be the fastest route to reinventing oneself as a gay icon. And Ryan was present at the creation! He totally loves her now. And since you were soooo charmed by his short essay on how he likes his women skinny and hairless last week, we figured we'd have him write an official defense of the Coultergeist, just to keep it from getting too nurturing out there in the comments.

This weekend I attended a small, intimate house party in Manhattan of mostly gay men in the media. I was sitting in the kitchen talking about Men's Vogue and Lisa Kudrow's The Comeback with my friend Mark when in walks: ANN COULTER. It was shocking to see America's deplorable scion of extreme right-wing fanaticism pour herself a glass of wine in a casual white tank top and jeans (no black cocktail dress) and effusively greet the liberal media that she's made a career crusading.
The gays squealed with delight. They all shelved their political beliefs and giggled to one another about the famous guest, cooing over how skinny she is and hovering around her waiting for an introduction. The "female Rush Limbaugh" was received with the fanfare normally reserved for Liza, Beyonce, and Tammy Faye (RIP). When she walked in the room, Mark turned from a typical limousine liberal to a giddy NRA fanboy.
I had to meet her. Of course I don't agree with her political agenda, but seriously, who does? Is it an agenda? She walked by me and I tapped her on the shoulder. "Hi Ann, I just wanted to say that I think you're HILARIOUS." "So I guess you don't write for the Treason Times?" she laughed, clearly ripping on the handful of New York Times critics in the room, who are apparently also her friends.
The first thing to notice about Ann is her laugh. She has an engaging energy, and she ingratiates herself quickly in a conversation with an inviting, disarming, and continuous laugh. It is genuine, unlike that of certain socialists I can think of. Beyond the crack at the Times, she showed remarkable discretion and didn't mention politics once throughout the evening. The closest we came to an argument was over our opinions on outdoor cafes. Ann likes outdoor cafes because they remind her of the days when she used to be able to smoke a cigarette with meals, and I hate them because they remind me those days too and, like, WTF is going on in a town where you can't smoke a cigarette outside anymore? She agreed to me that the law was unjust, and we found common political ground! [Ed: The difference is, you know, she quit smoking when that law was passed, which I guess was the whole point of the law in the first place! Ironic how it WORKED on a libertarian crazy Ann Coulter and utterly failed on a heathenous assfucking queer like you, right? I would say that's just the Greater Absurdity of the Universe that would make the gays love Ann Coulter — and also, I might add, Homodinejad — but actually, I know for a fact that you live in Philadelphia, where you're still allowed to smoke outside while sitting on a table, and if you didn't, you'd probably smoke less. So yeah, nanny states = effective! Just saying!]
The next morning I was still on a Coulter high. I saw my roommate in the kitchen and the first thing I said was, "I met Ann Coulter and I want to be her best friend." It was only after seeing her face turn from bewilderment to shock to horror that I realized what I actually said.
It is well-documented that Ann Coulter hyperbolizes arguments to make a point (or get attention), and it is equally known that she has faghag tendencies. But it is still difficult to imagine respecting, admiring,or befriending a woman who says this, this, this, this, and well, I really could go on forever.
However! Now that I look at her writings after having met her, they don't seem as hateful and ignorant as before. They're funny, and can almost be read as agitprop performance art. [Ed: I would label this is a "pipe dream."] For the first time I watched the YouTube clip of her calling calling John Edwards a faggot at the Conservative Political Action Conference. Not only did she not technically call him a faggot, she made a pithy observation on the absurdity of Hollywood and celebrity using his country dandiness. And also, she has a point John Edwards is kind of faggy. Takes one to know!
Only her closest confidantes know her true motives and beliefs. People at the party said that she's a fiercely loyal friend - and I don't doubt that - but where does one draw the line on holding a seemingly good person accountable for their hateful persona? Liberals are quick to attack showman styles of right-wing debate, particularly grandiose religiosity, but at the same time revere uncomplicated liberal publicity hounds from Malcolm McLaren to Michael Moore. [Ed: Because they are RIGHT.]
Even the most pragmatic thinkers who acknowledge Coulter using her persona as a device to shake things up worry about the implications and ramifications of her dialogue. Using her opinions on gay marriage, I honestly don't think Ann Coulter influences any thinking person to hate gays or gay marriage. At worst, her writings reflect bigotry and homophobia in an audience that doesn't think critically or understand nuance. If Ann Coulter didn't exist, a different ideologue would no doubt take her place, and I don't think any of them would be more beneficial to gay rights. And after having such a lovely evening with Ann, I would rather these people worship a hilarious woman who loves gay men, cocktails, and knowingly pushes the envelope rather than either dogmatic religious zealots who think gay sex and drinking will send me to hell or left-wing comediennes who no longer make me laugh.


Coulter Culture [NY Observer]

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Why is it that gay icons are typically women who COULD BE MEN? They are so close to blurring the line of male/female (see Cunt Coulter above) and this causes the gays to flock to them? I just can't computer. Anyway, she's said she doesn't think women should vote a million times, nothing new. She is just in it for the money and will say the most extreme things to keep her face in the news. I would appreciate it if the networks would just pretend she doesn't exist. Please!