Angry Little Girl Is Done With Deadbeat Tooth Fairy's Lazy Bullshit

Here’s how losing your teeth works: You pull the thing out of your mouth you get a dollar for it. You pull another one, you get another dollar. A good month can see you bringing in up to 5, maybe even six big ones in pure profit. But sometimes the tooth fairy is a lazy sack of poop that doesn’t want to do their job. (I feel you tooth fairy.)

This letter, which was posted by an imgur user who claims not to remember it being quite so hostile, would, if the Tooth Fairy were real, bring them to tears and possibly a consultation with a psychiatrist who plays fast and loose with the benzos. It is one of the meanest things I have read, which makes it that much more hilarious. You don’t want to bring me a dollar, you fucking layabout? I’ll keep my own fucking teeth. I’ll sell them to Tommy down the block. I’ll get you fired. You’re not a tooth fairy. You’re NOTHING.

Sorry, here’s the letter:

To be fair, there’s no reason that the tooth fairy should like Michael better. But to be even more real, this little girl is making hella money off the tooth fairy already. My parents told me that the tooth fairy always took the tooth but didn’t always leave money (to teach us a lesson about how life works) and at best she only left a quarter. For a whole dollar, I’d have knock my entire mouth out and then maybe I’d get something. But probably not.

Jennifer told the Tooth Fairy not to write back, but I bet the Tooth Fairy wouldn’t even have the strength if they’d wanted to reply. Like what are they even going to do? Deny liking Michael better? Amateur Hour, Tooth Fairy. Amateur hour.