Wondering which cliched bromance character you are? Well wait no more, because the answers to our super stupid Saturday quiz are here, and your bromantic lady destiny awaits after the jump. And away we go!
If You Answered Mostly As: You Are The Evil, Heartless Bitch:
Oh man, I don't know how to put this nicely, so I'm just going to come out and say it: you are a terrible person. Your heart is made of lost dreams and your soul, I'm pretty sure, is filled with the tears of innocent children. You probably hate dogs because they poop outdoors and you think the outdoors should be a poop-free zone. You exist only to show that women are horrible beings who crush the souls of men by being controlling, frigid, evil bitches. And yet some poor sap will always date you, simply to dump you later, which you totally deserve, because you are the Devil. Oh- and you probably cheated on him too. Ugh. Everyone hates you. Why are you even here? Chicks, man. Am I right?
If You Answered Mostly Bs: You Are The Damsel In Distress:
Uh-oh! You're with the wrong guy! Your fiance/boyfriend/husband is a total douchebag. You, on the other hand, are smart and beautiful and pretty much perfect. Your only flaw is that you can't see that your boyfriend is a total asshole who is cheating on you or keeping you from reaching your true potential. Lucky for you that a laid back dude with a good attitude is there to set you free! What would women do without men to save them from other men? They'd have to make important life decisions on their own. That's just crazy!
If You Answered Mostly Cs: You Are Judgmental Nag:
Like your sister-in-spirit, the Evil, Heartless Bitch, you have no time for your boyfriend's bullshit. However, you DO have a soul, as evidenced by the sweet moments you have with your partner. It's too bad he's such an immature piece of crap, right? When is he ever going to grow up and get his shit together? I mean, you used to be so cool until you got all hormonal and mature and shit. And now you expect him to stop acting like a 19 year old now that he's pushing 30! What a nag! You're a real buzzkill, lady. Everything was so fun and awesome until he got you pregnant, and now he has to deal with your shit. Total bummer! Make sure you act as shrill and bitchy as possible so that the audience sympathizes with him instead of you.
If You Answered Mostly Ds: You Are The Manic Pixie Dream Girl:
The brilliant Nathan Rabin defines you as "that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures." The Shins changed your life at one point. Your mental problems are glossed over in favor of your adorable emo-wackiness. You are a tool through which a sensitive douche finds himself. When he leaves you, you'll still have your puppet collection and the voices in your head to play with.
If You Answered Mostly Es: You Are The Sex Kitten:
You like to have sex, a lot. In a bromance, this either means you're a total freak, or a hooker with a heart of gold. There's no inbetween really, because that would imply that a woman can have multiple sex partners and still be considered a normal human being. If you talk about sex all the time, it's either because you're a nympho or you're trying to help your frigid friends come out of their shells. Women having sex! That is so weird, you guys!
If You Answered Mostly Fs: You're The Blushing Bride! You are as sweet as pie, but all you can think about is cake....wedding cake, that is! You've been dreaming about this day since you were a little girl, and you have the montage to prove it. Your only role in this story is to discuss your upcoming wedding and put pressure on your groom, who is totally freaking out! There are only two ways this is going to go for you: you'll get the wedding of your dreams, or you'll end up Miss Havisham-ing it up while your groom runs off with the Sex Kitten. Either way, you'll get to wear your dress. It just might be for a little longer than you expected, that's all.
Thanks for taking our quiz! Now get out there and make some dude happy, miserable, or confused. It's your bromantic duty, after all.