American Music Awards: Stand & Deliver

The 2009 American Music Awards, at Nokia Theatre L.A., had the boldfaces: Rihanna, Reba, Paula, Shakira, Alicia, Kelly and hundreds more. And it had clothes: amazing and bizarre. And, oh yeah, it had Bobby Trendy.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

Know what's great about Carrie Underwood's dress? You just know from sense memory that it feels like one of those Barbie gowns.


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

Don't worry, Selena Gomez, there's enough glitz to go around!


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver

So, over the weekend I was considering the purchase of a pair of silk tap shorts. And the saleslady said to me, "the great thing is, when you can't decide between a skirt or pants, you reach for the shorts." Wonder if that was Chani Christie's process.


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

I like how Melissa Etheridge always puts just enough thought into her selections to make you think. Think about...life. And sequins.


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

Ah, the barber pole. The last refuge of a scoundrel.


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

Reba McIntyre may or may not have ridden here. Through a briar patch. Western-style, presumably.


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

Shakira looks adorable, is apparently going to walk through a Medieval town square filled with excrement for an audience with the king.


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

That's good: otherwise we might not have been sure where Kelly Clarkson's breasts were.


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

It's like Toni Braxton's leg is about to perform a Gypsy Rose Lee-style striptease.


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

What Phoebe Price has to do with American Music, I can't say. What she has to do with "never disappointing" is a lot.


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

Oh, but you know what's apparently over my head? Leona Lewis's dress.


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

Paula Abdul, once again, dressed for a ball that only she is attending. This may be genius. It may be tragic.


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

Rihanna's die-cut doily: the evening's most creative - and prettiest - look.


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

Is Alicia Keys' frock a) for a figure-skating engagement later in the evening b) a bet she lost c) Andy Kaufman-style performance art or, and I very much fear it's this, d) none of the above?


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

Kristen, psst...there's a strip missing from your dress. Oh, it's supposed to be like that? I'll just...walk over here. There's Val Kilmer. In a hat.


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

Remember those weird "toys" where there were a bunch of pins in a box and you stuck your hand or, if you were brave, your face in, and it sort of hurt, but at the end you had a really neat, ephemeral impression of it? Fergie does!


Illustration for article titled American Music Awards: Stand  Deliver
Advertisement

I'll say this for Bobby Trendy. He's gotten his picture up on Getty.

This image was lost some time after publication.
This image was lost some time after publication.
Advertisement

Getty" />

Share This Story

Get our newsletter

DISCUSSION

tea-and-oranges-old
Tea and Oranges

I can't tell if I woke up in a bad mood, or if every one of these outfits is ugly. I want to like Rihanna's dress, but even she looks a bit overwhelmed by it.