Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha

So this happened. But so did a lot of other things, like lots of black lace, random pops of grown-up glamour (which is not really what the AMAs are about, but hey), and Nicki Minaj. Oh, where to begin?

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Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha

I know what you're thinking: So what did Katy Perry REALLY wear? Because this is just too tame, right? Sparkles and puffy rosettes are merely low-level quirky, and we've come to expect a lot more. Instead we get a highly embellished but otherwise basic, almost-pretty dress? Clearly marriage has totally dulled Katy's personality! Which you'll read about in Midweek Madness before the year's over.

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Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha

Taylor Swift, what have you done?!?? And do I maybe like it?

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha

Miley Cyrus, Toilet Paper Bride.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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A very pretty surprise from Rihanna!

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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Jenny McCarthy: fun! Just adventurous enough without stealing the show from the moppets. This night is all about them, after all.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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Speaking of: Christina Milian demands your attention. Or her lacey-sparkly-tiny-blingy space cadet dress does, anyhow.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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Keri Hilson rocks the reptilian texture, with bonus draping.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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Pink, appropriately glowing, keeps it simple. She's got better things to do, after all.

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Nicki Minaj: Our thoughts exactly.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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Johnny Weir seems to be wearing thigh-high boots. As he damn well should. The real issue is whether or not Rachel Zoe styled him.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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The Black Eyed Peas tonight will be accompanied by the stars of Fraggle Rock.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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Someone once gave me a black lace kerchief handmade by some old woman in Spain. This dress reminds me of that kerchief. Dark, brooding, pretty. If I were Heidi Klum, yeah, sure, I'd wear it as a dress.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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Julianne Hough, also doing lace, though this seems more Grammys-level glamour.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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Mandy Moore: yes, please.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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Willow and Jaden Smith brought their babysitter.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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Julie Benz demonstrates the single-boob pop. Also, she's wearing Chanel, and she wants you to know it.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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Sheryl Crow is definitely the most comfortable person on this carpet.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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Diddy with singers Dawn Richard and Kalenna Harper from Dirty Money. This blue is gorgeous. I wish we saw more of it. Also, all outfits here have little leather accents. That's how you know they're a team, I guess? Whatever. That blue!

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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Hillary Scott of Lady Antebellum challenges you with an optical illusion.

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Another optical illusion, less-elegantly so, courtesy of Avril Lavigne.

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Karina Smirnoff is shiny.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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It could just be the expression on his face, but Usher looks kind of tired. He must be exhausted from doing double duty as Justin Bieber's swagger coach.

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It was Cheryl Burke's accessories that ultimately did her in.

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And yet more black lace, this time from Savannah Outen, who keeps it youthful without going full Milian.

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Here we have The Band Perry. Discuss.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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John Legend and his lady Christene Telgen. Gorgeous gown, though perhaps a bit too much so for this crowd.

Illustration for article titled American Music Awards Fashion: Jesus Christ, Ke$ha
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Looks like Mitchel Musso is getting a little too big for his britches.

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DISCUSSION

Honestly, I wish the Pinkett-Smith children were more tolerable. They have the snottiest attitudes (see: everytime Jaden is on "Oprah" - "Oh, hohoho, isn't Jaden hilarious!?" - copyright Will & Jada Smith) and then they show up like this? How in the world am I supposed to like these kids?