'American Beagle Outfitters' Clothes for Dogs Would Be Awesome

Here’s a 3 minute “dogumentary” promoting “American Beagle Outfitters,” a division of American Eagle Outfitters that will ostensibly focus on dog fashions. It’s pretty clear that this is supposed to be AE’s attempt at an April Fools Day joke but oh my stars do I ever wish this were real.

According to AE’s blog, the American Beagle Outfitters line should launch soon. But according to the calendar, April 1st is mere days away. According to my eyeballs, the clothing advertised as part of the collection are wildly impractical for dogs and would likely be eaten and pooped out by mischievous canines before any average income-earning dog owner could make enough money to buy a replacement. And then there’s the video, which contains a lot of bad fake fashion acting and a quote like this:

Pattern, texture, beach meets street. Crop tops. High rises. It’s next level.

Which I guess isn’t any more absurd than most things written about human fashion, except, you know, human fashion is for people. Buzzfeed straight up asked AE if the whole thing was a publicity-generating joke only to be told that they’d have to sign a non-disclosure agreement if they wanted any more information. Which is legalese for “it’s a joke.”

Fine. Ugh. Fine. But imagine how great this would be if it were real. A tiny dog wearing a neon pink hat. Dog puka shell necklaces. Dog terrycloth dresses. I’d buy one for my cat and make her wear it and in the second before she shredded it and then moved to shred my face I’d take the greatest Instagram of all time. Cat in pink dress with murderface. Future humans will pay tens of dollars for souvenir prints.