America Is Realizing Flavored Vodka Is Candy-Coated Barf

Illustration for article titled America Is Realizing Flavored Vodka Is Candy-Coated Barf

It only took a decade, but it looks like America is perhaps finally losing its taste for revolting new varieties of flavored vodka. Guess everyone finally realized that candy corn is bad anyway; the only thing that makes it worse is combining it with vodka.


In recent years, vodka makers have been pumping up their profits by introducing new, ever-more revolting flavored varieties. And, of course, these monstrosities were very heavily marketed to women, as some combination of dick and/or candy surrogate. Marshmallow dildos for everyone!

But the vodka business overall is hitting the skids, Quartz reports, just as manufacturers began to run out of ideas:

In 2012 at the height of the brand-extension craze, 122 of 171 new vodka product releases were flavored. New flavored releases began declining significantly in 2013. And now, after years at the best-selling spirit in the country, vodka is projected to lose out to whiskey this year, for the first time since 2006, according to historic and projected data from Euromonitor.

And all those vom-inducing mad science experiments aren't helping the liquor's image, according to Euromonitor analyst Spiros Mandrankis: "The tsunami of ludicrous flavours unleashed over the past couple of years has indeed provided a solid short term boost in markets embracing them- most notably the US. Unfortunately, the key phrase here is short term," he wrote recently, adding that, "Beyond the seemingly positive top line momentum, flavour-driven cannibalisation has, alas, already began."

Pumpkin pie vodka shots, anyone?

Photo via Facebook.



They'll have to pry my whipped cream flavored vodka out of my cold, dead hands. That stuff with orange juice = creamsicle = happiness.